Gratitude, Contentment, Happiness and Living with a Brain Injury and an Invisible Disability

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” Doris Day

This past Sunday, I attended a meeting and the topic of “gratitude” was brought up for discussion. As I reflected on the topic, several thoughts came to mind. Awareness that helped me to understand what gets in my way.

What Gets in the Way of Gratitude, Contentment and Happiness

Perfectionism, believing that conditions need to be “perfect” or “ideal” for me to be happy gets in my way. Gets in the way of my being able to experience the benefit (s) or gift (s) offered by “gratitude”. Gratitude that lends its to contentment and happiness.

Need to Be Perfect

Needing to be perfect or have conditions perfect or ideal is often the result of expectations. Either the expectations that I have of myself or the expectation’s that other people have of me.

Conditions Needing to Be “Right”

Growing up in the expectations of other people conditioned me to believe (on a core level) that I needed to be “perfect”. That I needed to be “perfect” based on the expectation (s), so as to not displease “them”.

In response, I placed expectations on myself, in my fear of displeasing “them”. As a result I lived in a fear of not doing “it” perfectly. I lived in a fear of being blamed. I lived in a fear of abandonment.

In the process, I abandoned myself.

In my fear of abandonment, I strove all the more, to do more, to be enough to meet the “expectation” or “condition”.  In the process, being grateful was tied to my ability to meet the “expectation” or “condition”.

Gratitude amounted to being able to keep people from going away emotionally, physically and spiritually.

In my Attempts to Avoid Emotional, Physical and Spiritual Abandonment

In short, I was conditioned to believe that my gratitude, contentment and happiness were tied to other people’s reactions. What I mean is that, if people in my life made any indication that I had somehow displeased them I assumed responsibility. Responsibility to “fix” them through people pleasing, approval seeking and mind reading to keep them from going away. Going away emotionally, physically and spiritually.

The Dance

In essence, I engaged in a “dance” in my attempt to feel secure, content and happy. Gratitude was thus tied to making people “OK” so that we could be “OK” so that I could hope to be “OK” with myself.

 Gratitude, Contentment and Happiness

1. In my experience, I have found that my gratitude, contentment and happiness can not be tied to expectations. My expectations and the expectations of other people.
2. My gratitude, contentment and happiness can not be tied to my ability to make other people “OK” so that I do not fear being abandoned.
3. My gratitude, contentment and happiness can not be tied to “if” and “when”, as they may never come.
4. My gratitude, contentment and happiness can not be tied to becoming something that I am not already, just for today.
5. My gratitude, contentment and happiness can not be tied to conditions and outcomes.

Reflections — Gratitude can not be tied to Conditions, Expectations, If and When

1. I need to guard myself against waiting for conditions to change or expectations to be met or satisfied to be grateful, content or happy.
2. I need to see all my circumstances, lessons, experiences and opportunities as reasons to be grateful.
3. I need to do so regardless of whether “they” look “good” to me at the present time.
4. With this attitude and mindset, I am able to celebrate in the now, regardless of whether I am experiencing “happiness” in the moment.
5. I need to celebrate gratitude in the now for who I am  (now) to experience joy in my life.

Consequently, being content because I am grateful gives me the power to experience joy in my life. Joy in my life that is not based on or tied to conditions or expectations and in the “if’s” and “when’s”.

Quotes that Help me to Stay Focused on Gratitude

“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.” Melody Beattie

“Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for”.  Zig Ziglar

“I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.”  Brene Brown

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Brault

“I would maintain that thanks are the highest form of thought, and that gratitude is happiness doubled by wonder.” Gilbert K. Chesterton

“Things turn out best for people who make the best of the way things turn out.” John Wooden

“Not what we say about our blessings, but how we use them, is the true measure of our thanksgiving.” W. T. Purkiser

“Be grateful for what you already have while you pursue your goals. If you aren’t grateful for what you already have, what makes you think you would be happy with more.” Roy T. Bennett

“The invariable mark of wisdom is to seek the miraculous in the common.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Gratitude is riches. Complaint is poverty.” Doris Day

“Through the eyes of gratitude, everything is a miracle.” Mary Davis

“When you are grateful, fear disappears and abundance appears.” Tony Robbins

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” Albert Einstein