I have been thinking about a topic that I believe is at the foundation of anyone’s healing process. Let me explain. For many years I believed that I could not measure up to the expectations that God had for me. As a result, I did not believe that I could expect God to be there for me. I found myself struggling to measure up to be good enough so that I could receive His unconditional love for me. Because I never really felt good enough, I believed that God could not love me unconditionally and therefore I could not depend upon Him. In my deception, I cut myself off from the very source of my healing.
My relationship with my Dad – while growing up – unknowingly taught me to believe that my good was not good enough. I was also led to believe that my worth was found in my doing rather than in my being. I became what I have heard referred to as a human doing. Perfectionism taught me that who I was in life was not good enough. Perfectionism taught me that I needed to perform to be loved, accepted and approved. Consequently, I believed my worth and value were stipulated upon whether I performed up to the expectations of my parents, peers, teachers and employers. What I experienced conditioned me to believe that if I did not measure up to the “expectations” I would be rejected, ostracized and abandoned emotionally if not physically. The voice of perfectionism echoed in my subconscious demanding that I do more to justify my existence so that I would not experience the fear of annihilation at the core of my being. As I strove to ward off my unconscious terror, I lost sight of my being. Unconsciously, I transferred that belief system on to my relationship with God.
Perfectionism is a cruel taskmaster. The cruel nature of perfectionism indiscriminately raises the bar of expectation.
The nature of my invisible disabilities aided in the deception — that my good was not good enough. My insecurities blinded my ability to recognize my value. For many years I felt like a person who was all dressed up with no where to go. Although I diligently prepared myself to be of maximum service to God, and my fellow man / woman no one seemed to want what I had to give. Consequently, I felt like a failure. Through a series of events I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I woke up to the reality that I could never be perfect. I realized that I could never measure up to the code of perfectionism. The beauty of my process brought me to a place of surrender. The process was slow and the journey was painfully arduous at times. Several years ago I had a spiritual awakening that changed my life forever. The process is more important than the destination. Please read my 2 part series, On the Road to Healing. I slowly stopped buying into the notion that I had to measure up to be enough.
What we thought was meant for our harm, has been turned for our good.
Today I realize that I am a work in process and in that process I am learning what works best for me. Please read my post, Traumatic Brain Injury and Limitations. Looking back over my life I believe I was being prepared for this point in time. I now have a medium to share my experience, strength and hope as a tbi survivor. What I experienced through my struggle and disappointment — as I have shared in My Journey thus Far — prepared me to be successful in a way that works for me. What I thought were failures during the course of my life, were instead wonderful opportunities that were preparing me to live the life I have imagined. My experiences were pointing me in the direction of my destiny. Although I once thought that God was mad at me, I now know that God has always been madly in love with me. What I thought was being done to me was actually being done for me. God was doing for me what I could not do for myself. As a loving parent, He was guiding and directing my steps. What I could not see then is now coming into focus.
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life that you have imagined…you will meet with success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) video presentation (s), and provide a link back to the article (s) on Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you. Copyright 2007-2015.
Liara Covert says
Your reflections are so positive and inspiring.
secondchancetolive says
Hi Liara,
Thank you my friend. Have a wonderfilled week.
Craig
Deborah says
Hello, thank you for your site. I am a 30 year veteran RN who sustained a traumatic brain injury and can no longer work. In fact, my attempt to return to work following a ‘concussion’ alerted me to the severity of the head injury…I could no longer multitask or deal with people on the job!. I am now 1 year post injury and I struggle with many frontal lobe brain injury problems, overstimulation issues, a sleep disorder, and my continued stressors have turned into fibromyalgia. You are correct in that many people think we are ‘fine’…this is an invisible disability and one that is not going away. I seldom go out in public…its too hard on me. Thanks for your heartfelt, first person account of how it feels to be going through this.
secondchancetolive says
Hi Deborah,
You are very welcome my friend. Thank you for sharing part of your story with me. You are a blessing to me. I understand about the taxing nature of interacting with the public. I also enjoy my solitude and I find that it is much easier to not interact with groups of people, where I can potentially be misunderstood, even though my motives are pure. I navigate to the best of my ability when I work out at the Y and at the martial arts school where I train in mixed martial arts. I find that most people love and respect me in those settings. I also attend a church that is very accepting of me, but I limit the amount of time that I spend with groups of people. I have found that works best for me. I also go to support group meetings and that helps to meet some of my social needs. I have found that isolating can be a harmful to my mental health, well being and keep me from receiving the needed support that can enhance my quality of living.
I would encourage you to read my post, The Power of Identification https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/04/18/the-power-of-identification/ and my post, Following your bliss…regardless. https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/04/30/passion/
Deborah, I also have a Site Map https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/that you may have noticed. https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/ Presently I have 239 published articles in that map. Not all of the titles have Traumatic Brain Injury or Living with a Disability in their title, however all of the articles have principles to help the reader to live life on life’s ters.
Thank you again for leaving and comment and visiting Second Chance to Live. If I can answer any questions please feel free to ask my friend
Have a pleasant rest of your week and God bless you.
Craig