Scroll down this page below my perspective for a list of links to articles. Click on the article title and the article will open for you.
Relationships after Brain Injury and Stroke present a set of challenges.
Challenges that often sabotage individuals and their relationships.
My Perspective
Relationships create challenges. Relationships after brain injury and strokes create different challenges. Challenges in the way that individuals relate to themselves, to family, friends and society at large. What compounds these challenges is the history that each individual brings into the relationship. History in terms of what was learned and experienced growing up in their family of origin. Behaviors and coping skills.
Family of Origin History
History in terms of what they experienced and how they interacted in past relationships. If there was dysfunction in those family of origin relationships, that learned dysfunction will be brought into other relationships. Such dysfunction can continue to undermine and sabotage relationships unless new behaviors are learned and used in relationships. Apart from awareness and acceptance Individuals may find themselves blamed.
The Impact of Denial
Once an individual experiences a brain injury or a stroke another dynamic enters into their relationships. Denial. Once external wounds have healed and the impact of the brain injury becomes invisible, denial enters relationships. Denial of the impact of the brain injury and the stroke. Now, in addition to the individuals unsettled family of origin relationship history, the individual is faced with new challenges of an invisible disability.
My Own Experience
For many, many years I had no idea that my life was being impacted by the open skull fracture and brain injury that I sustained when I was 10 years old. Once my external wounds healed, I looked “normal”. When asked, friends would tell me that there was something different about me, but they could not put their “put their finger on it.” I could not “put my finger on it” either because my and other people’s denial kept it hidden.
The result from adopting the denial of my reality was alienation. Alienation from myself and alienation from other people. Alienation from myself for not being able to “get it right” and alienation from other people for not “getting it right”. In response, I strove all the more while experiencing a tremendous amount of shame. Shame for feeling that I not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake.
But thank God that I did not give up on the process. Give up on the process, a loving God or myself.
What I Discovered about Denial and Relationships
What I discovered is that people often need to stay in denial for several reasons. People stay in denial because they believe we are making excuses. People stay in denial because to come out of their denial would mean that they would need to make changes and feel feelings. Changes that they may not know how to make or want to make. Feelings that they may not know how to feel or want to feel as they relate to us in our reality.
Nevertheless, the reality was and it that I am the only one who needed and needs to accept and own my reality. I was and am the only one who could and can do anything about how my life is being by my history, my brain injury and my invisible disability. I am the only one who could or can do anything to change how my life. Change how my life has or is being impacted by my brain injury, my invisible disability and my “history”.
I am the only one who can change to find freedom from my history to have functional relationships.
The Buck Stops with Me – I Am Responsible
I was and am the only one who could or can work a program of recovery to change my behavior and how my “history” impacts me. I was and am the only one who could or can change the way that I relate to myself and to other people. I was and am the only one who could or can stop participating in behaviors that no longer work for me. I was and am the only one who could or can do anything to make my life, well-being and my relationships better in time. I am the only one who could or can stop sabotaging my life and relationships.
“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” Wayne Dyer
“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Aidous Huxley
What was and is important to recognize that living with a brain injury and an invisible disability creates new challenges. Challenges that I need to be aware of as I interact with people and society at large.
To Grow in Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem and Self-Respect I needed to Understand
The Beginning of Understanding that Helped me to Stop Fighting with Myself
My Struggle Living with an Invisible Disability Article Series
Understanding Individuals, I Interact with as a Brain Injury Survivor and an Individual Living with an Invisible Disability.
- The first group involves people who are completely oblivious to my being a traumatic brain injury (tbi) survivor or for that matter do not care.
- The second group of individuals who hear that I am a tbi survivor, but because my disability is invisible believe that I am somehow using my invisible disability as an excuse.
- The third group of individuals knows that I have am a tbi survivor and that my brain injury has affected me in some manner, but still want me to function as an individual without a brain injury.
- The fourth group of individuals thankfully realize that I am a traumatic brain injury survivor and that my brain injury interferes with my ability to work with people, especially with those in the first three groups.
“If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator.” Tim Fargo
Through my experience I have found that it is a waste of time and energy to try and change people’s minds. By accepting that reality, I am able to grow in self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-respect.
“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You’re here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.” Banksy
Through accepting that I am powerless to change anyone’s mind, I am free to explore what may be limiting me. Among needing to grow in my awareness and acceptance of my brain injury and invisible disability, I needed to understand how my “history” impacts my life, well-being and relationships. Below are my 12 eBooks in which I share what helped me to understand and overcome my history.
“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” Zig Ziglar
Below are Individual articles that have helped me to have better relationships after my brain injury.
Brain Injury, Stress, Anxiety, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Zoom Presentation
Having and Maintaining Friendships and Relationships after a Brain Injury
Being Mistreated by Someone Close to Us after a Brain Injury
Strategies that Help when Dealing with Difficult People
Traumatic Brain Injury, Invisible Disabilities and Abandonment
Emotional Hangovers and What Helps Me to Avoid Them Slideshow Episode 357
A Message for Parents — Whose Shame are you Carrying?
Relationships with Myself and Other People after Brain Injury Video Presentation eBook Download
Brain Injury, and Learning to Manage Anxiety in Social Settings Video Presentation
Brain Injury — Why do I Feel so Misunderstood and Shunned? Video Presentation
Understanding Relationships after Brain Injury
How to Stop Pushing People Away Video Presentation
How to Stop Pushing People Away
Resentment and The Power of Forgiveness Video Presentation
Resentment and The Power of Forgiveness
How I found to be at Peace with Myself and other People Video Presentation
How I found to be at Peace with Myself and other People
Being of Service — Am I Helping (Empowering) or Enabling (Perpetuating)?
Brain Injury, Stress, Anxiety, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 1
Living with an Invisible Disability — Accepting Ourselves when Other People Can’t
Offering a Resource of Hope and Encouragement to Brain Injury Survivors and Families
Moving from Fear to Faith — Making Peace with God
Taking Care of Myself — How to Empower my Relationships Video Presentation
Taking Care of Myself — How to Empower my Relationships
Second Chance to Live Video Presentations on Buildings Healthy Relationships
Second Chance to Live Articles on Building Relationships
Not Judging my Insides with Other People’s Outsides Video Presentation
Not Judging my Insides with Other People’s Outsides
Angry and Stuck — What to DO? Video Presentation
How to Not Take On Other People’s Insecurities Video Presentation
How to Not Take On Other People’s Insecurities
Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 3, Part 4 and Part 5 Video Presentation
Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 1 and Part 2 Video Presentation
Critical, Judgmental and Antagonistic — What to Do? Video Presentation
Critical, Judgmental and Antagonistic — What to Do?
Why We Need One Another — What We Create Video Presentation
Why We Need One Another — What We Create
How to Stop Over Reacting Video Presentation
Living with a brain injury — Not letting your Past spoil your Present Part 1 Video Presentation
Living with a brain injury — Not letting your Past spoil your Present Part 2 Video Presentation
Living with a Brain Injury and Finding Freedom from Isolation Part 1
Living with a brain injury — Not letting your Past spoil your Present Part 2
Living with a brain injury — Not letting your Past spoil your Present Part 1
Living with a brain injury and Whose Shame are you Carrying? Video Presentation
Living with a brain injury — Whose Shame are you Carrying?
Living with an Invisible Disability — The Consequence of Denying My Reality — Part 2
Living with an Invisible Disability — The Consequence of Denying My Reality — Part 1
Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury, Feelings of Isolation and Connecting with Other People
Approval Seeking, People Pleasing, Anxiety and Hope
Understanding the Power of Detachment Video Presentation
When People Choose To Distance Themselves From Me Part 1 and Part 2 Video Presentation
Have You Ever Asked, “What is Keeping Me Stuck?” Part 1 and Part 2 Video Presentation
Have You Ever Asked, “What is Keeping Me Stuck?” Part 2
Have You Ever Asked, “What is Keeping Me Stuck?” Part 1
Second Chance to Live and the Rose Moore Radio Program
When People Choose To Distance Themselves From Me Part 2
When People Choose To Distance Themselves From Me
The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences Video Presentation
Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel Video Presentation Part 2
Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel Video Presentation Part 1
How to Move Forward — Make Peace with the Past Video Presentation
How to Move Forward — Make Peace with the Past
A Very Important Question — Whose Shame are you Carrying? Part 2
A Very Important Question — Whose Shame are you Carrying Part 1?
Some thing to Consider — Who is limiting you?
Making Peace with God and Learning to Trust Video Presentation
Traumatic Brain Injury — My Struggle Living with an Invisible Disability Part 1 Revisited
Traumatic Brain Injury — Stress, Anxiety and Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 1 Revisited
Making Peace with God through understanding His Heart toward Me— Part 3 Revisited
Making Peace with God through understanding my Journey — Part 2 Revisited
Making Peace with God To Learn How to Trust — Part 1 Revisited
Traumatic Brain Injury and Critical People
Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury and Feeling Baffled and Confused Part 3
Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury and Feeling Baffled and Confused Part 2
Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury and Feeling Baffled and Confused Part 1
Being Led Beyond My Understanding
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Holidays
Living with a brain injury and Feeling Restless, Irritable and Discontent
Brain Injury, Stress, Anxiety, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 4
You Make a Difference in My Life — Thank you!
Brain Injury, Stress, Anxiety, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 3
Brain Injury, Stress, Anxiety, Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury — Stress, Anxiety and Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury, Fatigue, Anxiety, Anguish and Depression Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury — Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 5
Traumatic Brain Injury — Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 4
Traumatic Brain Injury — Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury — Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 2
Relationships, Conflict and Peace Part 1
Being at Peace with Others and Myself Part 2
Being at Peace with Others and Myself Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury — Why do I React the Way I do? Part 4
Traumatic Brain Injury — Why do I React the Way I do? Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury — Why do I React the Way I do? Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury — Why do I React the Way I do? Part 1
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability Revisited– Part 4
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability Revisited – Part 3
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability Revisited— Part 2
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability Revisited — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury, Family System Roles and Learning to Thrive — Part 4
Traumatic Brain Injury, Family System Roles and Learning to Thrive — Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury, Family System Roles and Learning to Thrive — Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury, Family System Roles and Learning to Thrive — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury — Whose Pushing my Buttons? Part 3 of 3
Traumatic Brain Injury — Whose Pushing my Buttons? Part 2 of 3
Traumatic Brain Injury — Whose Pushing my Buttons? Part 1 of 3
Understanding the Power of Detachment
Second Chance to Live — Taking things Personally
Second Chance to Live – Freedom from Rejection
Second Chance to Live – Why Do I React?
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Dance
Traumatic Brain Injury and Approval
Second Chance to Live and the Holidays
Traumatic Brain Injury and Parents
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Double Bind
Having an Invisible Disability – The Consequence of Denying Reality — Part 2
Having an Invisible Disability – The Consequence of Denying Reality — Part 1
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability – Part 4
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability — Part 2
My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability — Part 1
Making Peace with God and Learning to Trust Part 3
Making Peace with God and Learning to Trust Part 2
Making Peace with God and Learning to Trust Part 1
Displaced/Unresolved Sadness — Why You May be Feeling Depressed?
Living with a Brain Injury, A Message to Parents and Hope
The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences
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