As a framework I needed to examine my past relationships / interactions. I needed to make a list of the people, places and things that I held / harbored resentments toward — for what ever reason.
In the framework I needed to examine the relationships / interactions that I had with family members, with relationships with women — romantic and otherwise. I needed to examine my relationships with teachers and fellow students dating back to grade school, junior high, high school, colleges, universities and other training venues.
I needed to examine the relationships that I had with bosses, supervisors and fellow employees in the various work settings — over the years. I needed to examine the relationships that I had with clergy, church leadership and fellow church members in the various churches that I attended — during my life time.
I needed to examine my relationship with the God of my understanding. I needed to examine the relationship that I had with myself. I needed to examine the relationship that I had with my fears. I needed to examine how I had harmed other people. I needed to examine my sex conduct.
I was told that I needed to complete the exercise to look for the patterns in my relationships. Where, when and why I reacted and how I contributed to the formation of those resentments. I was also told that the purpose in identifying my resentments was not to blame or berate anyone — including myself.
Through becoming aware of the patterns that led to my resentments I became aware of the “reasons” why I reacted to the people, places and things in my past. By doing so I discovered that I could make healthier choices.
Through the exercise I discovered that the pattern of my resentments were predictable — in all of my relationships — and I was at the center of my resentments.
Until I examine the patterns in my relationships, I am prone to reliving pain from my past expectations — through current events. My triggers will remain set until I do the work to remove their impact — both from my conscious and unconscious mind. With my awareness I will be able to own the responsibility for how I choose to react — the Way I do.
With my awareness, I can choose — to do the work — to look for the patterns in my relationships. By doing so I can stop reacting to my past through my present. Through looking at the patterns of my interactions I can identify and make peace with my unfinished business.
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results”. Albert Einstein
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