Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. Today is December 24 — Christmas eve. First let me say, Merry Christmas to you and your family. Over the past several days I have been experiencing some sadness. My sadness has been because I would like somethings to be different than they are in a few of my relationships.
“If you do not like some thing, change it, if you can not change it, change the way you think about it.” Mary Engelbreit
After years of struggling in my attempt (s) to change these individuals point of view — concerning how my tbi has impacts my life and my relationships — I am learning to let go. Although I would like to change people’s perceptions concerning how my traumatic brain injury impacts my relationships, I realize that such an awareness may never occur.
“When you are in a state of non-acceptance, it is difficult to learn. A clenched fist can not receive a gift, and a clenched psyche — grasped tightly against the reality of what must not be accepted — can not easily receive a lesson.” Roger John
Through my process, I am coming to accept a reality — it is as it is. With my growing acceptance I realize that I too have choices. Consequently, I am choosing to change my perspective. By doing so I validate my reality while learning to let go of my sadness and disappointment. By doing so I am learning to practice live and let live.
By doing so I am able to move forward with my life. By doing so I am able to learn the next lesson.
Today’s thought
A friend of mine reminds me when I look to specific people — to give me what they do not have to give — I set myself up to be hurt and disappointed. My friend reminds me that when I look to people to give to me what they do not possess I am essentially going to a hardware store looking to find bread, where no bread exists.
As a traumatic brain injury survivor you may want to have better relationships with specific people, however their lack of acceptance impedes that from occurring. As a result, you may find yourself both sad and disappointed. Although those relationships may never go back to the way they were before our tbi, we can have peace.
We can live in peace with ourselves. We can live in peace because we know that we are doing our best. We can be at peace because we no longer need to live in denial. We can live in peace because we own our reality. We can be at peace with ourselves because we can let go.
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You are so right! A couple of weeks ago I went forward at church to ask for prayers and my family in Christ have been so accepting and understanding. They don’t try to crowd me beacause they were told I can’t handle crowds yet they want to know what I feel, how they can help and just to let me know how much they love me.
My mother is the complete opposite. She has let me know that she will never come stay at my house again that if she comes for a visit she will stay at my daughter’s house. She can’t handle my emotional panic when she pushes me too hard. It’s a sad thing when your own parents can’t accept you for who you are now. I have read your comments about your dad and feel that your relationship with him is a lot like mine with my mother. It is very difficult to try to follow the Lord’s example when I feel her constant need to shoot me down. At this point I try not to talk to her too much because I just wind up with heartache.
In Christ,
Jackie
Hi Jackie,
Thank you for taking the time to leave a comment and to share what you have with me. My brother has a hard time accepting me on some fronts too. He just does not seem to get that I have residual deficits from my brain injury that occurred 41 years ago Jackie. I believe that people can not really understand or have empathy until they have come to a place of acceptance.I am sorry for the sense of rejection that you get from your Mom, because of her lack of acceptance Jackie.
Sounds like your decision to detach from your Mom is self caring to me. Not selfish. Good for you. I have learned through my process that setting boundaries is not about keeping people out but for keeping me in. I am also learning that I do not have to tell people about my boundaries, just have them.
I am happy to hear that you are finding love and acceptance at the church you are attending. Support is great.
Jackie, I have written many articles with in Second Chance to Live that can be found in my site map https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/ which you may like to read my friend. Not all of the titles have traumatic brain injury or living with a disability in their titles however each of the articles present information that you might find to be beneficial. Let me know if the information in my articles help. Thank you.
Thank you again for taking the time to leave your comment / thoughts. You are a blessing to me Jackie.
Have a pleasant evening and God bless you.
Craig
Dear Craig,
It does not always come easily to people to be as honest with their feelings as you are.
You set a great example for people to express how they feel in some form so that they can work them out. Often, people are conditioned to repress, deny or, selectively forget them.
Blessings for this festive season!
Liara
Hi Liara,
Thank you taking the time to leave a comment and for your kind words of encouragement my friend. You are a blessing to me. Thank you also for sharing your articles with me. I stopped by and read your article. You are a very gifted and talented writer Liara. I left a comment which is waiting for you in moderation.
Thank you also for staying in touch with me. It was great to hear from you.
Have a pleasant evening and God bless you my friend.
Craig