Please read Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4 of this series, by clicking on these links: Part 1, Part 2 and Part 4.
In the last 2 parts of the article series, I have shared some of my struggles living with an invisible disability. In the spirit of wanting to be helpful, I committed myself to helping a family member move across the country, prior to having all the details concerning the move. These are the events that led to my being in an awkward position. Nevertheless, in the process, I learned some valuable lessons.
After the individuals made the decision to move I assumed that the trip was going to be made several months sooner than was in the mind of the mover. The first lesson leaned. Ask questions and get more information before committing. I said I would help them move cross-country before I knew how long the total trip was going to take. When I found out that the people I was now committed to moving were planning on taking 6-7 days to move across the country, I started experiencing some anxiety.
The expectation was that I spend 8-9 days at one location visiting prior to then taking the 6-7 days to travel across the country to the destination where they planned to move. The expectation was that once I arrived at the second location that I would spend an additional 4-5 weeks. As I did the math that would mean I would be away on the road for 7-8 weeks.
As my anxiety increased due to the expectation of time, I attempted to logically share my concerns with the people who I was going to move. I attempted to explain how the damage to my right frontal lobe predisposes me to become emotionally and physically fatigued, especially when I have to spend extended periods of time with people. I also sought to help the parties involved understand that when I have to spend extended periods of time with people I become stressed, fatigued and anxious.
Based on past experience, when I am overly stressed, anxious or fatigued my ability to monitor my interactive skills significantly diminishes. What a non-brain injured person does involuntarily, I have to do monitor voluntarily.
The injury to my right frontal lobe impedes my ability to read subtitles and social nuances, so I have to adapt on a conscious level. As a result of having to work overtime to compensate for the damage to my brain, I become fatigued and depleted. Practically speaking, as I fatigue my stress levels increase significantly, which in turn leaves me depleted emotionally, mentally and physically. As I become depleted my ability to interact effectively with people progressively diminishes.
Therefore I have learned to limit the amount of time that I spend interacting with people. Through limiting the amount of time that I spend with people, I am able to relax and enjoy the time I do spend with people. Prudence has taught me that when I limit a number of my interactions, along with the amount of time I spend during those interactions I am able to maintain healthier relationships. Through my awareness, I am capable of having functional relationships. Please read the conclusion of this article series by clicking on this link: Part 4.
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sampkim says
You’re a legend…I can’t believe you went through this for so long. I can’t thank you enough… I’ve gone through this for about 8 years and have realized recently in the past 4 months through the help of a friend that my problems are caused by my tbi. And your explanation of your symptoms, situation, and location of brain injury matches mine exactly which further confirms that my problems and symptoms are due to my brain injury and not to my up bringing, lack of effort, lazyness, etc. like so many people around me have told me. AHH! Makes me so angry just thinking about it! I WORK MY ASS OFF!!! PROBABLY EVEN HARDER THAN THOSE IGNORANT @## #^%@s DO! AHHH!!! (Sorry for cursing I’m just so angry)
Anyways thanks again for posting these articles…you saved me from a ton of suffering. YOU”RE AWESOME!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP!!! God bless brother. (again sorry for cursing) :p
Second Chance to Live says
Hi Sam,
You are welcome Sam. I am happy to hear that you found Second Chance to Live and that my articles are helping you Sir. Good to know that we are not alone. I am curious. How did you find or happen to come across Second Chance to Live Sam? My best friend at the time — 2000 — helped me to begin to understand and accept that my life had been and was being impacted by the traumatic brain injury that occurred in 1967 when I was 10 years. No problem on the cursing my friend. Anger is part of the process of going through the grieving process.
I have another question. Are you aware of my e Books and the article and video presentation categories on Second Chance to Live. If not here are links to the article that introduces my e Books https://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2015/01/12/being-your-own-hero-through-overcoming-adversity-tools-for-rebuilding-your-life-e-book/ and a link to my article and video presentation archives / categories https://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/2014/06/01/second-chance-to-live-completed-article-and-video-presentation-categories/. All of my articles and video presentations contain information — from my personal experience — that has helped me navigate through the ignorance and arrogance.
What I write about is from the power of identification https://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/my-focus/, which has helped me to break free from the shadows of isolation and from feeling alienated and excluded — from both myself and other people. Information that has helped me to stop fighting against myself and start being my own champion.
Check out e Books and my article / video presentation archives and let me know if you can identify with me — as you read and / or watch my video presentations Sam. Thank you my brother.
I will say so long for now.
Have a great day.
Craig