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As I thought about what I had written in my journal, I remembered a meeting that I attended several years ago. In this meeting the subject of coming up against walls in our lives was brought to the table for discussion. As I listened to the members of the group share their experience I gained a new perspective. What one person shared in that meeting gave me hope and helped me to realize that I could trust a loving God to be with me in whatever decision I felt led to make at the time — whether I decide to turn to the left or to the right when I am at a wall.
I attended a meeting last night and the topic of the 11th step was presented for discussion, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.” When the time came for me to share, I shared what I had heard in the meeting some years to go. When faced with a wall, I can pray for the knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry that out and then make a decision to turn to the right or to the left.
Once I make the decision to turn to the right or to the left, I can trust that a loving God will be with me in whatever decision that I make at that time. I do not have to fear that a loving God will abandon me if I make the wrong decision. My experience has taught me that if, at some point — after making the decision to turn to the right or to the left — I then decide that I should have gone in the opposite direction, I can turn around. With my awareness, I can have the assurance that a loving God will be with me as I move in the opposite direction.
With my awareness, I can take the risk to make changes in my life apart from a fear of failure. With my awareness, I can make changes in my life apart from the fear of being abandoned by a loving God.
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