Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. You are always welcome around my table. In one of my recent articles I shared with you that I felt as though I had come up against a wall. In another recent article I shared with you an article that I wrote approximately 5 1/2 years ago Living my Destiny through Walls. In that article, I shared with you what I learned – through my experience – when coming up against these proverbial walls. For the past several days I have been writing in a journal about my experience with my recent wall.
During the course of the past several days, I spent time meditating, praying, writing in a journal and examining what I was experiencing due to my current wall. In the process of meditating, praying, writing in a journal and examining my current wall, several realities came to light. Let me share some of those awareness’ with you. If nothing changes, it will remain the same and if I keep doing what I have always done while expecting to get different results I am practicing what I have heard is a form of insanity. My awareness gave way to acceptance.
My acceptance helped me to realize that I needed to take action. My acceptance helped me to realize that if I want to get different results in my life, I need to make changes. My acceptance helped me to realize that I may only need to make minor changes, for my life and experience to take on new meaning.
For many years of my life I felt driven to be perfect to avoid feeling shame at a core level — because I did not just feel like I made mistakes, but I felt as though I was a mistake. My drive to be perfect was motivated by my fear of failure, my fear of abandonment and fear of self-annihilation. In my fear of experiencing shame, my fear of failure, my fear of being abandoned — emotionally, spiritually and physically – and my fear of self annihilation – that my life did not matter — I lived my life from an all or none and black and white rigid perspective.
In my rigid perspective, I continually sought and strove to overcompensate for my insecurities and my fear of self-annihilation — at the core of my being — because of the reprisal for making mistakes. In my overcompensation, I lived my life in a state of hyper vigilance in an unsuccessful attempt ward off my fear of failure, my fear of abandonment and my fear of self annihilation at the core of my being.
Please read Part 2 of this article by clicking here my friend Part 2. Thank you.
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