Hi and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friends. I am so happy to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. I have been thinking about the topic of empowerment. In some of my previous posts that I have published on Second Chance to Live I have mentioned that for many years I felt like a man all dressed up with no where to go.
Although I had diligently applied myself to prepare myself to be of service to my fellows, no one seemed to want what I had to give. I found myself being hired and then fired from one job after another, my longest lasting only 16 months. With each termination I experienced frustration and anguish. The invisible nature of my disability kept me in a state of bewilderment. The cycle of my employment / unemployment lasted for 20 years.
Consequently, I experienced ongoing financial instability / insecurity. Out of desperation I applied for SSDI, but was denied. Approximately 1 year later I reapplied for SSDI but again the SSA denied my application. Several years later, after being terminated from yet another job I re-applied for SSDI. I also applied to begin receiving services through the department of vocational rehabilitation.
To make a long story short my caseworker with the department of vocational rehabilitation determined that I was unemployable. Shortly thereafter my application was approved for SSDI and I began receiving benefits.
For the next 6-7 years I remained discouraged and despondent because I continued to buy into a denial system that told me I “should not” be impacted by my “head injury”. The subsequent messages of denial left me in a state of shame and guilt, because I bought into the notion that “if I just tried hard enough I would not be disabled”. The insidious insinuation of denial led me to believe that I should be able to change the unchangeable.
Consequently, I continued to wrestle with myself in the face of denial until I realized what I was doing to myself.
Through my struggle I have come to accept my reality. I have come to recognize the insidious nature of the denial system that I had bought into for many years. With my acceptance I have come to realize that I needed to stop fighting against myself. I needed to break free from the imposed snare that denial had placed upon my life. I needed to stop defending a denial system that had kept me entrapped for many years. I needed to accept my reality. I needed to learn how to accept myself.
When I stopped fighting against myself, I was able to develop my gifts, talents and abilities. The energy that I once used to defend my denial was released to foster my passion.
With my acceptance I have discovered that I no longer need to defend any denial system. Instead, I am free to use my gifts, talents and abilities in ways that work for me. My passion — once entrapped by denial– is now free to fly like a bird that has been released from a cage. In my freedom I am learning how to use what has been given to me. I am learning how to channel my passions in ways that work for me. I am learning how to pursue my destiny. I am learning how to be me.
When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one, which has been opened for us. Helen Keller
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA
Leave a Reply