Category Relationships Following a Brain Injury List of Articles

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Relationships after Brain Injury and Stroke present a set of challenges.

Challenges that often sabotage individuals and their relationships.

My Perspective

Relationships create challenges. Relationships after brain injury and strokes create different challenges. Challenges in the way that individuals relate to themselves, to family, friends and society at large. What compounds these challenges is the history that each individual brings into the relationship. History in terms of what was learned and experienced growing up in their family of origin. Behaviors and coping skills.

Family of Origin History

History in terms of what they experienced and how they interacted in past relationships. If there was dysfunction in those family of origin relationships, that learned dysfunction will be brought into other relationships. Such dysfunction can continue to undermine and sabotage relationships unless new behaviors are learned and used in relationships. Apart from awareness and acceptance Individuals may find themselves blamed.

The Impact of Denial

Once an individual experiences a brain injury or a stroke another dynamic enters into their relationships. Denial. Once external wounds have healed and the impact of the brain injury becomes invisible, denial enters relationships. Denial of the impact of the brain injury and the stroke. Now, in addition to the individuals unsettled family of origin relationship history, the individual is faced with new challenges of an invisible disability.

My Own Experience

For many, many years I had no idea that my life was being impacted by the open skull fracture and brain injury that I sustained when I was 10 years old. Once my external wounds healed, I looked “normal”. When asked, friends would tell me that there was something different about me, but they could not put their “put their finger on it.” I could not “put my finger on it” either because my and other people’s denial kept it hidden.

The result from adopting the denial of my reality was alienation. Alienation from myself and alienation from other people. Alienation from myself for not being able to “get it right” and alienation from other people for not “getting it right”. In response, I strove all the more while experiencing a tremendous amount of shame. Shame for feeling that I not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake.

But thank God that I did not give up on the process. Give up on the process, a loving God or myself.

What I Discovered about Denial and Relationships

What I discovered is that people often need to stay in denial for several reasons. People stay in denial because they believe we are making excuses. People stay in denial because to come out of their denial would mean that they would need to make changes and feel feelings. Changes that they may not know how to make or want to make. Feelings that they may not know how to feel or want to feel as they relate to us in our reality.

Nevertheless, the reality was and it that I am the only one who needed and needs to accept and own my reality. I was and am the only one who could and can do anything about how my life is being by my history, my brain injury and my invisible disability. I am the only one who could or can do anything to change how my life. Change how my life has or is being impacted by my brain injury, my invisible disability and my “history”.

I am the only one who can change to find freedom from my history to have functional relationships.

The Buck Stops with Me – I Am Responsible

I was and am the only one who could or can work a program of recovery to change my behavior and how my “history” impacts me. I was and am the only one who could or can change the way that I relate to myself and to other people. I was and am the only one who could or can stop participating in behaviors that no longer work for me. I was and am the only one who could or can do anything to make my life, well-being and my relationships better in time. I am the only one who could or can stop sabotaging my life and relationships.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” Wayne Dyer

“There’s only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that’s your own self.” Aidous Huxley

What was and is important to recognize that living with a brain injury and an invisible disability creates new challenges. Challenges that I need to be aware of as I interact with people and society at large.

To Grow in Self-Awareness, Self-Acceptance, Self-Esteem and Self-Respect I needed to Understand

The Beginning of Understanding that Helped me to Stop Fighting with Myself

My Struggle Living with an Invisible Disability Article Series

Understanding Individuals, I Interact with as a Brain Injury Survivor and an Individual Living with an Invisible Disability.

The first group involves people who are completely oblivious to my being a traumatic brain injury (tbi) survivor or for that matter do not care.
The second group of individuals who hear that I am a tbi survivor, but because my disability is invisible believe that I am somehow using my invisible disability as an excuse.
The third group of individuals knows that I have am a tbi survivor and that my brain injury has affected me in some manner, but still want me to function as an individual without a brain injury.
The fourth group of individuals thankfully realize that I am a traumatic brain injury survivor and that my brain injury interferes with my ability to work with people, especially with those in the first three groups.

“If you want to improve your self-worth, stop giving other people the calculator.” Tim Fargo

Through my experience I have found that it is a waste of time and energy to try and change people’s minds. By accepting that reality, I am able to grow in self-awareness, self-acceptance, self-esteem and self-respect.

“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You’re here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.” Banksy

Through accepting that I am powerless to change anyone’s mind, I am free to explore what may be limiting me. Among needing to grow in my awareness and acceptance of my brain injury and invisible disability, I needed to understand how my “history” impacts my life, well-being and relationships. Below are my 12 eBooks in which I share what helped me to understand and overcome my history.