To watch and listen to the video presentation of the article, you may click on this link: Living with the Impact of a Brain Injury, Anger and Resentment Video Presentation
Living with the impact of a brain injury can be frustrating.
Living with the impact of a brain injury can open the door to a wide range of emotions.
Anger and resentment can be among those feelings.
Living with the impact of a brain injury can leave us vulnerable to blaming others and ourselves.
In the process of blaming others and ourselves, anger and resentment become the “undertow” of our souls.
Instead of finding freedom, anger and resentment keep us stuck in a cycle of blame. In the process, we become victims of our circumstances.
As an individual living with the impact of a brain injury and an invisible disability, I joined in with the “chorus of blame” for many years.
In the process, I unknowingly pushed other people away and felt alienated from myself. In the process, I unknowingly maintained a victim “mindset”.
A mindset that kept me stuck.
I did so unknowingly because I did not know any better. I did so because I did not know that I could find freedom through accepting other people, myself and my circumstances.
What I discovered helped and continues to help me to let go of my anger and resentment. What I discovered helped and continues to help me to find freedom and hope.
In July 2015 I wrote the below article, which today I have revised.
Resentment and the Power of Forgiveness
“Forgiveness is unlocking the door to set someone free and realizing you were the prisoner!” Max Lucado
Last night I attended a support group meeting and the topic of forgiveness was tabled for discussion. I listened to what people shared and when it came time for me to share I shared my perspective. In my experience, I have found that resentments stem from unforgiveness, and unforgiveness many times can be traced to expectations that have not been met or fulfilled. In my experience, I have found I may not even be aware of the reasons for resentment (s) until a current event reminds me of my resentment(s).
Resentment (s), unchecked and unresolved; smolder like lava beneath a volcano. Resentment (s), unchecked and unresolved, grow like a malignant tumor slowly destroying beneath the surface. Resentment (s), unchecked and unresolved; come out sideways, as the lava of unforgiveness, through anger; oozes out at unpredictable and unexpected times. Resentment (s) unchecked and unresolved; leave banished souls in their wake. Banished from relationships, hopes, and dreams that might have been.
“Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Carrie Fisher
“Bitterness and resentment only hurt one person, and it’s not the person we’re resenting – it’s us.” Alana Stewart
“Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of harming another; you end up getting burned.” Author unknown
“Resentments leave me stuck believing that I am a victim of something that I am powerless to change. The good news is that as I let go of the resentment (s), I am able to stop believing that I am a victim over that which I am powerless to change.” Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
But there is good news. I have found that resentments can be checked and resolved through a process. The process involves being honest with myself, through taking the time to examine who I am resentful at, the cause of my resentment, how the resentment impacts (impacted) my — self-esteem, personal relationships, finances, material goods, security, ambitions and my emotional well-being. Additionally, I also need to examine what my motives were that resulted in or led me to my being resentful.
What I have Found
Resentments are often tied to my fear of losing something or not getting something that I want or think I need. The good news is that I can examine my fear (s), as they relate to my resentments so that these fears no longer have to paralyze me. Examining my fear (s) opens the door to a freedom that I never knew existed. By examining my resentments, I am able to also examine the expectations that were (are) at the root or core of my resentment (s). By examining my expectations, I am able to recognize what may lead to a future resentment (s).
Examining my resentments empower my ability to forgive, both myself and other people, Examining my resentments help me to grow in awareness. Examining my resentments help me to free “up” the creative internal energy that I possess so that I can take action. The action that will empower both my process, my relationships and my ability to follow my dreams and my destiny.
Examining and Finding Freedom from my anger and resentments Empowers my Ability to Create Hope in my Life.
Working on and finding freedom from my anger and resentment help me to stop being my enemy. Working on and finding freedom from my anger and resentment help me to stop fighting against myself. Working on and finding freedom from my anger and resentment help me to be at peace with myself and with other people.
Examining and finding freedom from my anger and resentments helped and helps me to understand, instead of seeking to be understood.
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
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