In my experience, I grew up believing that I needed to be perfect in order to be lovable and accepted by people. Perfectionism ruled my life as I attempted to do more to be enough. Shame — believing that I did not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake — was the taskmaster that drove me. Shame motivated me by all or none and black or white. Shame prodded me with a should have already mastered everything. If I did not get” it” right the first time, I was a mistake.
Shame gave little wiggle room to learn and celebrate small success’ in my life.
Thank God that through my struggle and subsequent recovery process I learned some valuable lessons. I was reminded by one of those lessons during my morning meditation. Over the past several days I have been aware of some thing that has been leading me to shame myself. In times past I used these awareness’ to berate and put myself down. Through my morning meditation, I remembered that I could instead look at the matter in a different way.
I could see the experience as an opportunity to tweak what would make me feel more comfortable with myself. More comfortable in my own skin.
An opportunity to learn and grow through the experience. What became obvious to me was that I could “tweak” or modify my behavior, instead of using the experience to devalue my efforts. As I realized that I could “tweak” or modify my behavior I found myself experiencing serenity. My behavior was not wrong or bad, I just was not feeling comfortable with my delivery. What I realized was that I could use the experience to enhance, instead of squelch; the behavior.
What I have found and need to remember is that there is no such thing as failure. Only an opportunity to learn. As I remember that with all learning, there is a learning curve I am able to add and take away what I want to change in myself. By doing so I am able to create hope in my life, instead of focusing on that I should have already mastered everything. By changing the way that I see my experiences, as an opportunity to learn; I find that I have more serenity in my life.
In the event that you like me, grew up believing that I needed to be perfect and that you struggle with perfectionism at times, begin to look at your experiences in a different manner. Instead of berating and chastising yourself for “whatever”, look at your experiences in an opportunity. Instead of chiding yourself, begin to look at them as an opportunity to learn. An opportunity to tweak what you may want to change. By doing so you, will find serenity in the midst of struggle.
As you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions and all questions are welcomed. You have my permission to share the articles that I present here on Create a Spark of Hope, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) and provide a link back to the article (s) on Create a Spark of Hope. Thank you. Copyright 2015