To read the previous parts of my article series, you may click on these links. By clicking on each link, you will be taken to that part of the article in my series, My Journey thus Far: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, , Part 7, Part 8, Part 9 and Part 10
In today’s article I would like to share with you a struggle that I recently was able to make peace with in my life. As I have shared in my about page, for many years I felt like some one all dressed up with no where to go. Although I diligently applied myself to everything I put my hand to, I kept running into walls. My desire to be of service was not being received, at least in a way that I could make a living and pursue the American dream. After my attempts to stay employed for over 20 + year (unsuccessfully), being deemed to be unemployable by the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation and after my third application the Social Security Administration realized and affirmed, that I was indeed disabled; in late 1998.
Nevertheless, I had a desire to pursue my destiny. Through my recovery process I began to realize that no one was coming to save me. So I started to investigate different ways that I could use my passion and desire to encourage people to not give up on life. To make a long story shorter, although I still did not know the extent of why I was unemployable and disabled; I began to realize that some thing needed to change. I began to realize that I needed to find a medium in which I could share what I had learned through my process and journey — in ways that would work for me. I wrote poems and articles, got a computer and wrote a book and then at the encouragement of a friend I created Second Chance to Live on February 6, 2007. To read more about my process leading up to creating my web site, click: HERE.
During the past 7 years I have had the aspirations of seeing Second Chance to Live as a gateway to my pursuing the “American dream”. I realized that no one was calling me forward and that I needed to answer the call that never came: Answering the Call that Never Came. I needed to find my way. I needed to pursue my destiny. During the past 7 years I have not seen my hope realized, in the way I had hoped. During the past 3 – 4 months I have experienced some discouragement and disappointment. I worked through much of my discouragement and disappointment, but continued to be frustrated. Over the past several weeks and through conversations with trusted friends, writing in a journal and being honest with myself I came to a stark conclusion. I had been in the midst of grieving. Grieving a loss.
Grieving a dream that I had for myself, that more doors would have opened for me; that I would experience a greater degree of independence.
Based on previous experience, I realized that I was at yet another crossroad in my life. I realized that I was needing to let go of what I had hoped for and accept that despite my hard work and dedication that my dreams were not being realized, based on my expectations. I realized that the process of grieving that I had been experiencing, as I moved through denial, anger (frustration), bargaining and depression; was preparing me for a new beginning. I realized that my pain (frustration) motivated me to move through a process of awareness and acceptance. A process of acceptance that would empower me to experience a new freedom, a freedom (peace) that had alluded me for many months. A freedom to accept a reality. A freedom to set a new course. A freedom to take new action.
What I realized is that I had moved through the 3 A’s — Awareness, Acceptance and Action — through grieving the way I had envisioned where I would be at this time in my life. What I realized, through grieving the way I wanted my life to look; I found a new freedom. A freedom to realize that I do not know what is best for me. A freedom to accept that I may never realize the “American dream”. A freedom to be fine with that reality. A freedom to let go of my will. A freedom to be OK in the moment. A freedom to let go of my expectations. A freedom to trust.
What I found, through the process of grieving the loss of my expectation (s); was a new freedom to create. A freedom to be who I am as a writer, without the pressure that I have been placing on myself to create. With my freedom I made a decision to lift my copyright declaration and give permission to share my articles, video presentations and e Books. I do not know what the future holds for Second Chance to Live, but I do know that the future does not belong to me. What I have come to realize, through my journey thus far; is that I can trust the process, a loving God and my ability to learn and benefit from what occurs on my journey. What I have come to realize, once again; is that discouragement, disappointment and pain are gifts, that lead me to new doors, that once opened; usher me to new beginnings.
Circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up!
To read the previous parts of my article series, you may click on these links. By clicking on each link, you will be taken to that part of the article in my series, My Journey thus Far: Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7 and Part 9.
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) video presentation (s), and provide a link back to the article (s) on Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you. Copyright 2007-2015.