Because I did not know that I had been participating in a denial system, I did not know that I had been living my life as a reactor to what occurred in my life, my relationships and my environment. Because I did not know that I had been participating in a denial system – through my role – I had no idea that I was being dismissed and discounted because my limitations were being denied, minimized and marginalized.
Because my limitations were denied, minimized and marginalized I found myself shamed and blamed for having limitations, by the people who could not accept my reality. In turn, I denied my reality and actively participated in blaming and shaming myself for having limitations through self-criticism.
In the process of denying my reality, shaming and blaming myself – for having limitations – I discounted, dismissed, minimized and marginalized my own reality. As I continued to buy into the “reality” of the denial system, I found that I traded my judgment and my ability to trust and make decisions for the approval and judgment of the individuals who participated with in the denial system.
By denying my reality, I internalized the criticism that I received when I did not meet the expectations of the individuals with in the denial system. By denying my reality, I found that I colluded with the criticism that I received because of my limitations. By denying my reality, I discovered that I was susceptible to victimization and exploitation. By denying my reality, I unknowingly participated in a “dance” that told me…
That I was responsible for the people in my life, not merely responsible to the people in my life. Consequently, I bought into the notion that if you were not OK, I needed to make you OK, before I could know that we were OK before, I could hope to be OK with myself. What made matters worse was that I bought into the notion that I was responsible for all the people in my life. Consequently, my overdeveloped sense of responsibility kept me “dancing”.
Through my recovery process, I discovered that the above “dance” kept me stuck with in my role and with in a denial system that could not accept my reality.
Please read Part 11 of this series. Thank you.
Here is my Contact Page.
Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.
Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA