As I mentioned in Part 1, as a traumatic brain injury survivor living with an invisible disability I felt mystified and baffled by my experiences. I felt victimized by what happened to me and I had no idea that I had choices. Instead, I came to view my life as a gauntlet of circumstances to be endured. As I have heard described by John Bradshaw, I lived my life from the reptilian part of my brain — scurrying through my day while hoping not to be devoured emotionally and spiritually.
In this way of relating to life I had little time to know what I was feeling or what I wanted in life. In this mode I lived from one crisis to another with the illusion that surviving the drama was the measure of my success. With my struggle came a cynical perspective. Rather than seeing my circumstances as emissaries for my good, I saw my circumstances as events that undermined and impeded my ability to savor and celebrate my life and success.
Through my spiritual awakening I began to realize that instead of impeding and undermining my ability to savor life and success, my circumstances contained wonderful opportunities. I began to realize that my circumstances provided ongoing possibilities that would not have otherwise been available to me. I began to realize that my circumstances and experiences were not gauntlets to be endured, but instead portals to the life that I longed to live. Portals by which I could savor and celebrate my life and my success.
Through my spiritual awakening I began to measure my success in a completely different way. I started to see my process — and what I could learn from my circumstances and opportunities — as the measure of fulfillment.
Please read Part 3 for context. Thank you.
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