I discovered that I needed to understand why I was driven to prove my worth and value to the people – who repeatedly showed their inability to see my worth and value. I discovered that I needed to find out why I felt like a victim of my circumstances. I discovered that I need to find out why I allowed other people to abuse, mistreat and victimize me. I discovered that I needed to find out why I readily abandoned myself whenever I felt abandoned – emotionally, physically or spiritually – by other people.
Through my recovery process, I became aware of what kept me stuck in a victim role. In families and relationships where hidden secrets or unresolved pain is avoided, roles are given to or assumed by each individual with in those family units or relationships. The roles contain what the family unit or relationship is unable to process or accept. Over time and with repeated conditioning the roles become the identity of the individual and the denial system or systems becomes the identity of the family unit or relationship.
The roles feed, validate and unknowingly serve to defend and justify the denial system (s). Over time and with repeated conditioning the individual continues to maintain the identify of the role in an attempt to feel safe and secure with in the unit or relationship. The sense – be it a false sense – of safety and security comes with a huge price. To maintain the role – to feel safe and secure – the individual manifests an overdeveloped and hyper vigilant sense of responsibility to avoid being blamed for the dis-ease.
To maintain their role – to feel safe and secure with in the unknown denial system (s) – the individual manifests an overdeveloped and hyper vigilant sense of responsibility. The individual does so in an effort to fulfill the expectations and the unspoken requirements of their role — to contain the unresolved pain and denial.
Please read Part 8 for context. Thank you.
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