Below is the 2nd part of an article that I wrote and published under the title of Traumatic Brain Injury and Self-Centered Fear — Revisited. After further review I have made the decision to augment the title of the article to reflect the emphasis of the article — Letting Go of Control.
Please read Part 1 for context. Thank you.
In my powerlessness I bought into the notion that I needed to do more to be more in order to be given more. In my delusion I lost sight of my being. As I lost sight of my being, I found myself becoming competitive in an attempt to overcompensate for my insecurities.
When I realized that I had lathered myself into a frenzy of anxiety, I made a wise decision. I decided to call a trusted friend. I realized that I needed to find a solution. From past experience, I knew that I did not have to be alone in my struggle. During our conversation my friend helped me to see that my unrest stemmed from self-centered fear. You see, my self-centered fear was connected to specific outcomes. My self-will frustrated me because I was not getting what I expected / wanted in the time frame that I expected / wanted.
From a place of fear I let pride enter into my process while I unconsciously eased God out of my process — EGO. Not a good decision. When I eased God out of my process I adopted the notion that I alone was responsible to / for whether I could achieve specific outcomes in a prescribed amount of time. In the process I found myself needing to defend, answer and explain my worth to my insecurities / pride / EGO. Because I was unable to achieve those specific outcomes my self- centered fear continued to deluded me.
In the process I became anxious because I was unable to achieve specific outcomes. You see, my self-centered fear was connected to my self-will. Consequently, my self-will perpetuated my fear and anxiety because I had connected my worth and value to those specific outcomes.
As my friend and I spoke I regained my spiritual bearings. In the process, I recalled my truth. I don’t have to be more than I am. I am enough. I can let go of outcomes. I can let go of the timing. My footwork is enough and I don’t have to be more than. I don’t have to force solutions. I can surrender my process to a power greater than myself. I can let things happen at the right time. I can trust the process, a loving God and my ability to learn. I can make a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of the God of my understanding.
I don’t have to strive to make anything happen. I don’t have to rely on my own understanding. I don’t have to produce to be enough. I don’t have to compete to be enough. Instead, I can relax and run in my own race. I don’t have to be critical of my process. I don’t have to judge my efforts. I don’t have to compare myself to anyone. I don’t have to be controlled by self-centered fear. Instead I am free to trust the process because I know that more will be revealed. I can let go of control.
Consequently, I am free to be in the moment. I am free to trust the process. I am free to enjoy the journey.
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Craig,
Interesting blog. I am a six-year ovarian cancer survivor who has brain damage from treatment. I had sepsis and couldn’t eat for five months. My docs aren’t sure what caused the brain damage but my memory and processing skills are affected — along with my emotions.
Glad you started this blog and are sharing your insights. I was particularly drawn to the title, “How to Live With an Invisible Disability” because it put words to my dilemma. My adult children even have a hard time accepting my limits and they saw what I went through.
Thanks again for launching this blog.
Sharon
Hi Sharon,
Thank you so very much for writing to me. I am honored by your time and kindness. Thank you also for sharing a little of your story with me. Living with an invisible disability or any disability for that matter can lead to isolation. Because of the factors involved with nature of our invisible disabilities buying into the denial systems of family and friends can be a very strong pull. I can attest to that experience. In the process of buying into my families denial system — for many years — I struggled to accept and love myself. Although the journey has been tenuous at times, I am glad that I did not give up on the process. Although my Dad — who was almost 94 when he passed never s to accepted that it was not because I did not try hard enough that I had difficulties in life, employement and relationships. For whatever reason my Dad did not seem to be able to accept my reality — how my life had been impacted by my traumatic brain injury. Several of my other family members had a hard time understanding accepting how my traumatic brain injury affects my life and world for many years. During the past year a shift has occured in several of my family members in the understanding and acceptance of how my traumatic brain injury has impacted my life and my world.The process of acceptance by my family members has been a slow process.
February 6, 2007 I created Second Chance to Live Sharon to share my experience, strength and hope in ways that work for me through the internet. My experience with writing and publishing articles for Second Chance to Live has been cathartic for me. I process my thoughts as I write — and many of my articles take between 6-8 hours to develop. I do not know if you are aware that I have a Site Map. Here is a link to my Site Map https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/. In my Site Map currently I have 493 articles. Some of those articles have traumatic brain injury or living with a disability in their titles, however many other articles do not have those prefixes in their titles. A good point to remember Sharon is that all the articles that I have written contain information that you may find to be helpful. I believe you will also be able to identify with what I write. I have heard others like yourself say that I put words to topics and matters that other brain injury survivors would like to say / hear. Consequently, may I suggest and encourage you to read several articles that I have written that I have links to below.
After reading the below articles I would suggest that you read the titles of my articles my article listed in my Site Map https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/ — and then spend time reading those articles. I believe the information will be helpful to you and may give insight in to what you are experiencing. Denial is a warm blanket that some people do not want to remove. When people are ready — for whatever reason — they will have ears to hear. Please feel free to ask any questions
Take your time reading the articles. As you read through the articles and you have questions, please feel free to ask Sharon. All questions are good questions. I look forward to hearing from you.
I will say so long for now. Have a pleasant rest of your day and God bless both you and your family.
Craig
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/04/18/the-power-of-identification/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/12/traumatic-brain-injury-and-denial-my-perspective-as-a-tbi-survivor/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/02/18/my-journey-thus-far/ 3 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/14/my-struggle-living-with-an-invisible-disability/ 4 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/21/having-an-invisible-disability-%e2%80%93-the-consequence-of-denying-my-reality%e2%80%94part-1/ 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/28/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-double-bind/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/24/don%e2%80%99t-talk-don%e2%80%99t-trust-and-don%e2%80%99t-feel/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/12/traumatic-brain-injury-following-your-bliss%e2%80%a6regardless/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/04/12/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-square-peg/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/07/07/traumatic-brain-injury-self-esteem-and-significance/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/14/second-chance-to-live-and-letting-go-of-unrealistic-expectations/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/17/traumatic-brain-injury-and-energy/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/19/traumatic-brain-injury-denial-and-limiting-scripts/ a 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/21/traumatic-brain-injury-and-overcoming-denial-%e2%80%93-part-1/ 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/25/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-grieving-process-%e2%80%93-part-1/ a 7 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/06/traumatic-brain-injury-%e2%80%93-moving-beyond-the-grieving-process/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/04/07/traumatic-brain-injury-%e2%80%93-freedom-from-isolation-%e2%80%93-part-1/
a 2 part series