Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Over the past several days I have been thinking about the concept of significance. As a traumatic brain injury survivor I have struggled to find my place of significance in the world. In my attempts to establish my significance I sought to define my meaning and purpose through the identity of a career, through my participation with various churches / groups / organizations and through what I achieved in my doing. Each of my efforts to find and establish my significance appeared to be thwarted by my traumatic brain injury and invisible disability. But not everything was as it appeared to be.
In my experience I found that none of these pursuits proved to secure my place in this life or my significance.
When I failed to establish my place of significance I experienced disillusionment, despair and depression. My disillusionment, despair and depression continued for many years — as I struggled to find my place of significance and meaning. Through my struggle I reached a point in time when I surrendered to the notion that my significance could be secured or tied to a career, affiliation or achievement. As I surrendered to the notion that I needed to have my significance validated from outside of me I found a new freedom. My freedom arose as I realized that my significance no longer needed to be validated by my doing through a career, affiliation or achievement.
“When I reached point in my life where I surrendered to the idea that I could find my significance through an identity, affiliation or achievement, I slowly stopped fighting against myself.” Craig J. Phillips
When I made the decision to stop fighting against myself I had a spiritual awakening. I realized that I no longer needed to have my significance defined for me. With my awareness my focus slowly changed from an external need of approval to an internal sense of validation. Consequently, my need to have a significance in life shifted from a need to do to a need to be. With my awareness, my motivation began to shift from having to do, to needing to be. Through being, I discover that my significance evolved naturally as I express who I am. Subsequently, as I have allowed myself to be, I have been able to learn to create with the seeds of my significance — apart from the need to perform to have a significance.
“Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.” Robert Louis Stevenson
Subsequently, as I plant with the seeds of my being I am set free from the need to have significance, because significance no longer needs to be my goal. Because significance no longer needs to be my goal I am able to let go of my need to be significant. Significance, therefore no longer needs to be the bench mark to validate my meaning, significance, self-esteem or value. With my understanding I no longer need to dependent upon the harvest — that is brought about by the seeds that I plant — because I no longer need to be invested in the harvest or outcomes. By letting go of the outcomes or harvest, I am able to accept that my being is simply enough. Through accepting that my being is simply enough, I am able to surrender to and trust the process.
By surrendering to and trusting the process I am able to cease from my striving, because I no longer need to judge who I am by the outcome or the harvest. Because I realize that I no longer need to judge who I am, I am freed from the notion that I need to prove my significance, worth or value. Consequently, I am freed to celebrate who I am — just because I am. I am able to celebrate my being apart from having to do to prove my significance or value. Therefore, I am free to create with my being, not in my doing.
I am only one, but still I am one. I can not do everything, but still I can do something. Helen Keller
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I am now 16 months post TBI and want to thank you for your words of wisdom Craig..I read them over and over.
This latest post on ‘significance’ is one I really struggle with. Since my TBI has caused me to lose my nursing career I really struggle with the loss of a great part of my identity and I grieve for this…its like a giant ‘hole’ in my life.
As I think back, I was given the wrong (or mixed) signals in my dysfunctional family of origin …many alcoholics…where I never seemed to be quite good enough…no matter what I did. I always needed to ‘do’ more and I was defined by what I ‘did’ rather than who I was as a human being.
These childhood messages really stick with us unfortunately.
Thank you again for being such a great support system to those of us with TBI. You are such a blessing!
Deb
Hi Deb,
Thank you so for much for taking the time to leave a comment and the kind words. I can very much empathize with you my friend. I have been there many times too. Through much struggle and soul searching I have drawn various conclusions. I am not an identity — although society would like to make it so; I am not a career — to give my pound of flesh; and I am not enough because of some affiliation — to do a dance. I am wonderfully me just because!
I have come to realize that I am much more than all those issue combined. My being houses my passion and my gifts, talents and abilities become the vehicle to express my passion. I have a disability, but I am not that disability. Nor am I my deficits or limitations. I have learned through my experience that although I have limitations and deficits those limitations and deficits do not have to limit me. I can learn to use my passions in ways that work for me and in the process move in the direction of my destiny. If you have not already read, please read: Traumatic / Acquired Brain Injury — Meaning and Purpose https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/24/traumatic-acquired-brain-injury-%e2%80%93-meaning-and-purpose/
I have also found that awareness is the first step to my healing process. In my experience, I had to break the three dysfunctional family system rules to begin to heal. If I do not address issues that hinder my life, they will keep manifesting. I have found that by being involved in a support group process — that is solution oriented not problem focused — I have been able to address the blocks to using my passion and creative energy. I have written a post on the subject: Second Chance and Energy https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/07/21/second-chance-to-live-and-energy/
I have written a post that you may find to be helpful Deb Second Chance to Live and Action Steps
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/03/second-chance-to-live-%e2%80%93-action-steps/
Thank you again for your time and kindness in leaving a comment and for your kind words. Deb. You are a blessing to me!
Have a simply amazing day and remember spiritual progress rather then spiritual perfection.
God bless you my friend.
Craig