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Second Chance to Live

Empowering the Individual, Not the Brain Injury

The Move…forward

January 12, 2009 By Second Chance to Live

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. Over the past 2 years I have been experiencing ongoing disruption by other tenants living in the apartment building where I have been living for the many years. I shared these concerns with the management however no changes occurred as the management did not want to enforce the lease with these tenants. I shared my concerns and frustration with people that I felt were truly interested in my well being. These individuals seemed to show an interest in my well being and agreed that the best solution would be that I move. These individuals also seemed to have an interest in helping me find another suitable living situation. Last August I was in the hospital from August 17 — September 1 so priorities changed. For specific information please read Second Chance to Live — My Presence has been my Absence

Five months ago after getting out of the hospital– in the middle of September — I received notification that due to policy changes and the unwillingness of the owner of the complex — where I have been living for 13 years — I was going to have to move. Once I received the news from the management of the property, I did further investigation and after multiple phone calls I was able to speak with the Director of the program who would be instituting the policy changes. Although the initial indications showed that I would have to move by the end of November the director told me that he would not be making anyone homeless during winter and that the changes would not occur until sometime next spring. After gaining this clarification I shared the news with several people who I thought I could depend upon. As a result, I was directed to several other people who had long standing relationships with real estate contacts with in the city.

Upon sharing my situation with these individuals they seemed more than willing to help me with the process of finding a suitable place to move. This was in late September 2008. Since that time I have attempted to meet with the individual on several occasions however each time I have been put off. Although I keep getting the message that these individuals are willing to help me, neither of these individuals have stepped up to help me. Early last week I made contact with one of the individuals and during our conversation he told me that we should get together soon — in the next couple of days over a cup of coffee. I saw this as a sign that progress was being made, however when I made contact with the individual several days later I was once again put off — as they needed to take care of some other business. Needless to say, after being repeatedly put off I have become increasingly frustrated.

Consequently, I decided to make a phone call to voice my disappointment with the apparent lip that I have been receiving from the respective parties.

That was on Thursday of last week. On Friday I called the other individual to find out if they had done what they told me they were going to do on my behalf. When I found out that they too had not followed through with what they told me they would do, I shared a few thoughts with them. In a pleasant manner, I mentioned that I felt as though I was receiving lip service from both him and the other individual who said they would help me. In the course of our phone conversation, I was then told — by the person who I was speaking with — that they could understand why I was frustrated and disappointed, however did not offer to help me in any practical manner. Although this individual had given me the impression — for months — that they would be interested in helping me their actions spoken louder than what they were saying. After we completed our conversation and I hung up I continued to feel frustrated and disappointed.

I also realized that I was angry for being strung along…because I sincerely believed that they were interested in help me.

Over the past several days I have spoken with several of my closest friends about the above situation. One of my friends suggested that both individuals have their own lives and maybe do not have the time to follow through with what they told me they would do for me. Both of my friends encouraged me to let go of the notion that I would be receiving assistance from these individuals. I agreed with both of them, however over the next couple of days I needed to work through my anger, frustration and disappointment. The experience — although frustrating, disappointing and disillusioning — has helped to reinforce my long held belief. When I get my hopes up over people, places and things — over which I am powerless — I set myself to be frustrated, disappointed and disillusioned. In the process I give my power away along with my serenity and confidence.The experience has also reinforced that I am my own best advocate. I alone can really champion what I need — with the help and guidance of my God.

I am also glad that I have been doing my own foot work concerning the move. In the past month and a half I have contacted approximately 60 real estate agents / agencies. Through my diligence I have been able to gain information that is now helping to focus my efforts. Through my contacts, I now have approximately 40 real estate agents looking for me — too. Through grieving my disappointment, frustration and disillusionment I have been able to let go of the people that let me down. Through accepting what is, I have been able to let go of the expectations — that I put faith in. By doing so I have been able to re-engage in trusting the process. a loving God and myself. In hindsight, I am glad that I was let down by the individuals that I thought I could counted on — for several reasons. Although I thought I could put my trust in these individuals I now know different. Secondly I have been given a gift of detachment. Detachment from my expectations.

By letting go of my expectations I have opened the door to an array of possibilities.


All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA

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