Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. I want you to know that you are always welcome around my table. Life is an interesting experience. My perception of that experience invariably impacts how I interpret the quality of my life.
For many years I felt like a deer caught in the proverbial head lights of life. Like the deer caught in the headlights of a car — frightened and unable to move. I believed that life was happening to me and there was nothing I could do about the experience. My sense of helplessness was driven by fear and doubt.
When I reached an emotional bottom in my life I made the decision to ask for help. Through my recovery process, I discovered that I needed to change the way that I related to life. I needed to change my way of thinking. I needed to find out why I needed to view myself as a victim in life. I needed to stop being caught in the headlights of life.
In my experience, I discovered that I needed to see myself as a victim. I discovered that I needed to take care of myself by learning how to set boundaries. I discovered that I spent many years of my life attempting to prove my worth and value as a person. I discovered that I attempted to prove my worth and value from outside myself because I felt responsible for other people. I discovered that I needed to feel responsible for other people and their feelings, needs and wants.
I bought into this sense of responsibility because of my fear of abandonment. Out of my fear that those people would leave me. I stayed stuck in this belief, for many years, because I believed if people went away I bought into the belief that I was bad and defective. That I didn’t just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. Because I was conditioned to believe that if people went away, that would indicate that I was a mistake. As a result, I tried desperately to keep people from going away.
I bought into this sense of responsibility because of my fear of abandonment. Out of my fear that people would leave me, I stayed stuck in a fear of abandonment for many years. I stayed in this belief that if people went away that meant I was bad and defective. That I didn’t just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. Because I was conditioned to believe that if people went away, I was a mistake I sought through people pleasing and approval seeking desperately to keep them from going away.
I bought into this sense of responsibility because of my fear of abandonment. Out of my fear that those people would leave me. I stayed stuck in this belief for many years because I believed if people went away that would mean that I was bad and defective. That there was something terribly wrong with me. That I didn’t just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. Because I was conditioned to believe that if people went away, I was a mistake I desperately sought to keep them from going away.
What Gave Me Hope
Through my recovery process, I discovered that making mistakes is a way to get better, not feel like a failure. Through my recovery process, I discovered that when people go away, that is more about them than it is about me. I discovered that I needed to change the way in which I looked at my life and experiences. I discovered that I could let those people go and not chase after them. I discovered that I could choose how to interpret my experiences, instead of being victimized by them.
Through my recovery process, I found that I could choose to interpret my experiences. Through my recovery process, I found that I could step away from the headlights of fear and doubt. Through my recovery process, I found that I no longer need to see myself as a victim of people going away. Through my recovery process, I discovered that I could detach from the notion that I was responsible for other people’s irritability, restlessness, and discontent. I discovered I could be responsible to, but not for.
I discovered that I no longer needed to be driven to please out of a fear of abandonment. I discovered that I could choose to own my truth. I discovered could choose to address and confront my denial. I discovered that could choose to define my own reality. I could choose to be empowered by my experiences. I could choose to stop being bound by an inability to meet and measure up to other people’s expectations of me. I could choose to let other people believe what they wanted or need to believe about me.
I could choose to see my life as an adventure, instead of a random series of events that could only hope to be endured. I could choose to trust the process, a loving God and myself because I found that I could rest. I could choose to define and live in my own truth, without the approval of other people. I could choose to no longer see myself as a victim. I could choose to keep the focus on myself.
So today when I am confronted with experiences that may make no sense to me, I am encouraged. I am encouraged because I no longer need to believe that I am a victim. I am motivated because I know that with each new experience exists a silver lining — that is waiting to be celebrated. I am empowered because I know that my experiences are preparing me to live the life I have imagined. Because I am encouraged, motivated and empowered to live life on life’s terms — by my experiences — I am equipped to live in the now, because I know that I am being led in the direction of my destiny.
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life you have imagined…you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.”
Henry David Thoreau
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