Please read each part of this article by clicking on these links. Thank you.
Each part of the article builds upon the previous part of the article.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7
As an individual living with the impact of a traumatic brain injury and an invisible disability, I remained stuck for many years.
I remained stuck because of what I was unable to accept.
In this 7 part series, I want to share with you what helped me to grow in the power of acceptance.
In the power of acceptance that opened doors to hope.
Through my ongoing recovery process, I surrendered to a life changing awareness.
As I surrendered to this awareness, I was slowly able to stop fighting against myself.
Fighting against myself, by trying to prove that my life and well-being was not impacted by my traumatic brain injury.
In my experience, as I grew in awareness, I grew in acceptance.
As I grew in acceptance, I grew in my ability to take action. As I grew in my ability to take action I found hope.
In my experience, I became aware that I could not grow in acceptance before I first made peace with myself. Made peace with myself because of what I could not change.
Made peace with myself for the losses that I experienced because of what I could not change. The impact of my traumatic brain injury.
In my quest to make peace with those losses I needed to address my sadness. In my experience, I could not just “get over it” without first doing the necessary work. I needed help to be able to identify and address my sadness and frustration, so that I could move beyond my sadness and frustration.
I needed to identify what I was experiencing so that I could move beyond what could not be changed. In my experience, I needed to stop denying my reality, so that i could do something different.
In Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s book On Death and Dying, Elisabeth elaborates on the stages of grieving. In her book, she introduces the 5 stages that people go through as they grieve their loss (s). The first of these 5 stages is denial. Denial is a defense mechanism that protects the individual from having to confront the shock of their loss. Denial manifests itself in various ways. I have heard denial explained as a warm blanket that insulates and shields the individual from having to face their reality.
Denial can also be used as a door to shut out, that which is just too painful to address.
Denial can also b used to ignore and avoid what we do not want to confront. Denial can be used to erect a dam to hold back unwanted memories and emotional pain. Denial can be used to suppress body memories. Denial can be used as a disconnect so that our hearts won’t let our head’s know what is or what has happened. Denial can also be used to defend, answer and explain away behaviors that undermine our well-beings. Denial can also be used to dismiss or invalidate another person’s pain or reality in order to avoid having to interpret or address uncomfortable feelings.
Please read Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6 and the conclusion of this article series in Part 7. Thank you.
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To me “acceptance” is resignation under a “nicer” title. It is accepting a second rate life when before you once had a great life. I loved, and was proud of, my life before the head injury, i had made that life out of a miserable life i endured for 25 years before I started the new “great” life, and I certainly do not want to go back to a similar existence that i had before my life changed for the better. So acceptance is not an attitude that I can embrace, even though, this time, I know I cannot change myself into a better person like I could the time before when I was young and able bodied and clever
Hi Maree,
I understand I believe as I wanted what I thought I have worked so hard to attain for many years. I did not think it was fair that things were not panning out the way that I had so diligently sought to accomplish. In my experience, I had to get to a place of pain in my life when I realized that I could not do more to be able to do what I could not do. In essence, I needed let go or what I did not want to let go of before I could begin to see what could be. Be what I could accomplish to create a life that would enhance my life and the lives that a loving God would bring into my life. I needed to ask a loving God to guide and direct me to learn how to create the life He created me to fulfill. I did not have to figure out how to do this on my own or in one day. Actually, it took me 7 more years after I let go of not being able to change what I could not change until I was able to discover what worked for me. The process just took time and I am glad that I did not give up, but persevered. I like several quotes. Quotes that are up to me to use. No one else can do them for me. If I choose to not use them when I choose to be a victim of my circumstances. “If you do not like something, change it. If you can not change it, change the way that you think about it.” Mary Englebreit The second quote is, “When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller The choice is yours as the choice is mine. We only get one life to live and being a victim of what we can not change is only going to keep us stuck. I do not mean to be harsh with you. I understand the frustrations. The good news is that you do not have to stay stuck, as I do not have to remain stuck. Again, the choice is ours to make, Maree.