In a recent article, Acceptance, Action and a Dream of a Second Chance I shared, “until I reached a place of acceptance in my life, awareness only pointed out to me that a problem existed in my life. Awareness did little to change what I had become aware of in my life.” As I went on to share in that article, through doing the work to reach a place of acceptance I am given the gift to be able to see things that were previously hidden to me. Among these jewels, I discovered how to have more peace in my life, despite what may be going on around me.
“Do what you can, with what you have, where you are.” Theodore Roosevelt
Doing what I can, with what I have, where I am has taught me to keep the focus on myself, mind my own business and recognize what I can and cannot change in my life. By recognizing and accepting what I have the power to change, I am given the gift to keep the focus on myself, to mind my own business and to own my power. By doing so I am able to create hope in my life. By keeping the focus on me, by minding my own business and owning my power, I am able to use my time and energy to stay committed to my course and to run my own race at my own speed.
“Everyone is trying to accomplish something big, not realizing that life is made up of little things.” Frank A. Clark
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” Maria Robinson
Below are several ways that have helped and continue to help me to have more peace in my life as I run my own race.
Removing myself as victim by figuring out what I need to do to take care of myself, given the person or situation. Process and resolve anger and resentments, so that they do not continue to steal my time, energy and ability to make healthy choices. By not continuing to try to fix other people’s problems or attempt to control their behaviors. By not taking on the responsibility for other people’s behavior and choices, when they attempt to blame me for their behavior or choices. By taking responsibility for my choices, accepting and learning from my choices.
Realize that I can’t know, until I know and that is good enough. Pursuing excellence, instead of perfection. Celebrate small successes and gains in my recovery process and personal development. Remember that there is no such thing as failure, only an opportunity to learn. Not blaming anyone for anything. Remember that with all learning, there is a learning curve. Keep the focus on what I am doing, not on what other people are doing. Not judging my insides by other people’s outsides. Be aware of when people are trying to control me, for whatever reason.
That it is OK to say no to what other people may want me to do to fulfill their plans or agendas. Learning to trust my judgement, despite what other people may want me to believe about my circumstances and myself. Recognizing and detaching from people who seek to control and manipulate me through the use of guilt and shame. Staying on my course and running my race, without looking for approval or validation. Looking for hope in the “dark clouds” that may appear in my life. Accepting the things that I can not change, while changing the things that I can.
Not giving up on myself, when other people treat me like I don’t matter. Realize and remember that I have great worth and value to a loving God. Learning how to channel my passion in ways that will enhance both my life and the lives individuals who are brought into my life. Facing my own pain / issues so that I do not continue to be victimized by them. Owning and taking responsibility for my pain, instead of waiting for some one to rescue or “fix” me. Recognize that my circumstances are not meant to keep me down, but they are meant to build me up.
Developing my gifts, talents and abilities in ways that work for me. Staying committed to my process and my journey. By remembering that more will be revealed in time. Learning to trust the process, a loving God and myself. Embracing the reality that I can explore beyond what a system may lead me to believe are my constraints. Giving myself the ability to experience a freedom that I never knew existed, to dream dreams because of my deficits and limitations. Owning my power to use my time and energy to create a good life for myself, on my own terms.
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