The need to be honest is essential to maintain healthy relationships. In the arena of healthy relationships, effective communication is the mechanism that maintains the relationship. Apart from effective communication, there will be a decline in intimacy.
In families and relationships where there is a history of unresolved conflict and loss, the no talk expectation is often maintained. Rather than being able to talk through the feeling, hurt and disappointment, denial, discounting and disregard become the norms.
Denial and discounting facilitate indirect and suggestive communication. Disregard minimizes the importance, significance and need for a resolution. When the staple of interaction becomes indirect and suggestive, direct communication becomes a threat to the system, as it necessitates resolution.
In relational systems that promote indirect communication, going along to get along often becomes the plumb line for the individuals well being. Compliance to the code becomes the expectation. Honesty is often traded for contempt. Consequently, the loss, trauma, or family secret lies dormant. Although the loss, trauma, or family secret may be ignored, the need for closure will continue to fester through time. Unchecked, the unresolved stress can lead to a physical, emotional and / or spiritual disease
Being direct in communication is essential to maintaining healthy boundaries and relationships (Please read my post, Who am I?). Being direct does not mean that I need to be aggressive or confrontational in what I need to say. I can say what needs to be said, but I no do not have to be mean when I say it.
Through being honest in relationships, I encourage and motivate dialogue. Consequently, I inspire personal growth and development.
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