I have come to understand that everything that glitters (in this life) is not golden. I may find myself buying into the notion that I will find fulfillment if I get this or that or if I just obtain a specific goal. Consequently, in my attempt to reach out and grasp happiness, I may find that it has moved.
I am realizing that too often happiness was connected to whether I performed up to what was expected of me. I vested my self-worth and self-esteem in these pursuits and thus metered out happiness to myself if I was able to meet those expectations. Because the proverbial bar was often raised, I was seldom quite able to meet the expectation. Consequently, I was rarely able to experience happiness for any length of time. My quest to find happiness often left me unsatisfied and quite frustrated. Instead of achieving happiness and contentment, I found myself striving all the more in my attempts to qualify to be happy. Happiness continually alluded my grasp.
Because I constantly felt inadequate, I sought substitutes for internal happiness. Unconsciously I chased after the proverbial golden carrot, which was constantly out of my reach. In my quest, I became anxious and then sad. Subsequently, I would strive, all the more, believing that if I just did more searching, I would find my bliss. Nevertheless, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow alluded my quest.
In the process of coming to this awareness, I have gained hope. Through having hope, a new freedom has evolved. Instead of chasing approval through achieving or by adopting other people’s definitions of happiness (for contentment), I am free to rest. As I move and live and have my being from that place of rest my creative capacity expands. Striving is set aside and I move with clarity.
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