For many years of my life, my concept of boundaries was limited to what separated one State from another. When it came to having, respecting or even understanding how boundaries factored into relationships, I was clue-less.
The notion of my needing to set or maintain boundaries seemed ludicrous. Because I did not respect my own need to have boundaries, I developed a series of limiting behaviors.
These limiting behaviors reinforced my distorted perceptions and led me to believe that boundaries were merely obstacles. Obstacle to overcome. I also maintained the belief that control and manipulation preceded the need.
Guessing at Normal
The need to have or respect anyone’s boundaries. My distorted perceptions also kept me guessing at what was normal. For much of my life, I felt like a blind man, who kept bumping into different walls.
As a result, any adjustment came with pain. As my emotional and spiritual pain increased, so did my willingness to look for solutions. My recovery process, brought me to a place of awareness.
Understand and Respect Boundaries
My awareness revealed that I needed to both value and respect boundaries. Understand and respect both my and other people’s boundaries, as I become aware of those boundaries. My awareness revealed to me that boundaries, when not respected give way to a host of other limiting behaviors.
Such behaviors undermine the individual’s ability to experience their destiny. These limiting behaviors manifest when personal responsibility is discarded. Disregarded as trivial, while seeking to hold other people accountable for choice. My choice, happiness, and discontentment.
Trust is Thwarted
When personal responsibility and accountability is dismissed as trivial, trust is repeatedly thrashed. Thrashed upon the rocks of disillusionment and disappointment. Hope is also squashed beneath disdain and denial. Resentments become the anesthetic that justifies and defends.
Justifies and defends irrational behavior. Drama and crisis become the focus, while a virtual stranglehold is placed upon personal empowerment. Personal empowerment and creative expression slowly drown beneath the undertow of contempt and bitterness. Disregard becomes the standard.
Expectations Dictate the Quality
The standard operating procedure, in the attempt to force solutions. Expectations dictate the quality of the relationship. Self-serving and self-absorption become the driving force in relationships. Power struggles ensue and become the vehicle to assert one’s will in the relationship.
I Lose Me
Through my recovery process, I have also come to understand that I am a separate and unique individual. Although this statement may seem naïve, however when I do not own and respect boundaries, I set myself up. When I do not have and maintain boundaries, I lose me.
Controlled and Manipulated
I slowly acquiesce to being controlled and manipulated by strong-willed individuals. Through owning and respecting boundaries I keep the focus on myself. By owning my responsibility, for my and other people’s boundaries, I learn where I end and where other people begin.
In the Process, I Keep the Focus
When I maintain healthy boundaries, I am able to keep the focus on what is my business and what is not my business. When I mind my own business, the stress associated with trying to change others and/or not be manipulated by them lessens. As my stress lessens, I am able to discover.
Boundaries are Meant to
Able to discover what is inside of me. Boundaries are meant to keep me in, not to shut other people out of my life. Through maintaining healthy boundaries, I am able to keep the focus on myself, while respecting other people and their choices. Boundaries help me to define what is my responsibility.
Being Accountable To, but not for
My responsibility when interacting with other people. Being accountable to others is essential to maintaining healthy relationships. Nevertheless, I need to accept that I am not responsible for other people and their choices. I am responsible to other people, but not for their choices.
Run my Own Race
Boundaries help me know where I end and other people begin. Boundaries help me to know where I begin and other people end, so that I can keep the focus on myself. Focus on what is my business to run my race.
“When you dance to your own rhythm, people may not understand you; they may even hate you. But mostly they’ll wish they had the courage to do the same.” Sue Fitzmaurice
“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.” Richelle E. Goodrich
“Don’t quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can’t see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It’s the one that makes the sweetest sound.” Simon Sinek
“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You’re here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.” Banksy
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” Steve Jobs
Leave a Reply