At a meeting recently I heard people going through rough times and the topic of acceptance. I heard some good things and shared some of my perspective as my time to share came to me. In my experience I have found that to get through rough times I need to remember that there is light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.
How I get to that light involves a process, that just takes what it takes; and that usually involves a lot of pain. The pain of getting to a point of accepting and surrendering to the reality that there is nothing else that I can do to alter or change what is a part of my life.
As I have shared in articles that I have written for my other web site Second Chance to Live, I had to stop defending the denial of my reality before I could begin to grieve my reality. I had to reach a point in my life, where the pain of denying my reality superseded my need to defend the denial of my reality — so that people in my life would not have to feel feelings or make changes in their lives. Feelings that they did not know how to process and changes that they did not want to make in response to accepting my reality. At this crossroad, I started my process of acceptance.
When I realized that I could no longer deny my reality, the grieving process guided me in the process of reaching a place of surrender. A place of acceptance by confronting my denial, being angry over what I had tried so desperately to change, reminiscing over the should of, could of, would of scenarios I could have changed if I just… and then by being sad and depressed over what I was powerless to change. A place of surrender that gave me the ability to stop struggling to force a door open, that was meant to remain shut; so that I could see another opening door.
“When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed-door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” Helen Keller
As I have allow the grieving process to guide me through to the process of surrender, surrender gives me the ability to notice other options. As I turn my gaze away from the door that has closed — and would to remain open — I am able to see the new one that has opened to me. As I recognize the door that is opening before me, I am given hope. I am given the ability to let the light of that new door to usher me to new possibilities. As I walk through the new door I realize that the work that I did to get to a place acceptance and surrender was worth the struggle.
Thought for Today
The new door, that is opening; reveals to me how I can make the rough places plane. The new door opening, reveals to me that rough places are not meant for my harm. The new door opening, reveals to me that without closed doors, I would not be able to see doors that are opening for me. The new door opening, encourages me to look for new doors, when doors close to / for me. The new door opening, reminds me that good can come from doors that close for / to me. The new door opening, reminds me that a closed-door opens the door to hope in my life.
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Hey Craig. Thanks for this article. Recently I have tried to convince my family and some others of my deficits (again. this time more articulately) and how they can help but they seem to just get mad at me and think they are just “catering” to my requests if they do so. They look at me as if I’m crazy and making excuses and it’s daunting. One because I can’t believe they don’t believe me and two it makes me feel trapped and kind of claustrophobic that I’m at the mercy of this injury and nobody believes me. They just think this is “all in my head” and I can just will this away and that I’m just extremely insecure… It almost makes me feel crazy. Like I am the only one who’s thinking like this and no matter how much i try to tell them it’s because of my brain injury they don’t seem to accept it and it leaves me feeling shocked and helpless. Hey but what can i do…Anyways. just read a few of your articles including the you’re not crazy one and that and this and the few others that I read really helped. Thanks again Craig 🙂
Hey Craig. Thanks for this article. Recently I have tried to convince my family and some others of my deficits (again. this time more articulately but to no avail) and how they can help but they seem to just get mad at me and think they are just “catering” to my requests if they do so. They look at me as if I’m crazy and making excuses and it’s daunting. One because I can’t believe they don’t believe me and two it makes me feel trapped and kind of claustrophobic that I’m at the mercy of this injury and nobody believes me. They just think this is “all in my head” and I can just will this away and that I’m just extremely insecure… It almost makes me feel crazy. Like I am the only one who’s thinking like this and no matter how much i try to tell them it’s because of my brain injury they don’t seem to accept it and it leaves me feeling shocked and helpless. Hey but what can i do…Anyways. just read a few of your articles including the you’re not crazy one and that and this and the few others that I read really helped. Thanks again Craig 🙂
It’s like I’m reaching out for help and help for them (so they can avoid triggering my symptoms, etc) for a somewhat more better life (through understanding both for me and for them.) but they literally reject it and ridicule me or get mad at me. leaving me feeling dumbfounded, shocked, and to question myself whether I was being delusional, and perhaps being wrong about this whole thing. and that maybe I am crazy…Anyways sorry for the negativity. Just kind of venting and am trying to find someone who can relate… Thanks again Craig 🙂
Hey Watkins,
I understand. What helps me is to realize that some people, maybe especially the ones I would like; are not able to comprehend, grasp or accept many things. As a result, I need to remember that it is better to understand, than to be understood. If I get this reality, I am able to accept myself, while not being triggered by the crazies. Feeling as though I am wrong in some way, because the person, individual or group is unaware. Case in point, during a conversation with my brother the other day, he I believe was reacting out of his anger and frustration, but was not aware because he has not known or seen the need to process his feeling.
Instead of owning his anger and frustration, he started to accuse me of being angry and frustrated at something we were speaking about during our conversation. Realizing that he was reacting out of his lack of awareness, I was able to not defend, answer or explain myself to him for what I believe he was reacting to Watson. By not reacting to him, the interaction did not get spun up and I did not come away with an emotional hangover. I was able to detach from him and not get in a heated discussion with him.
By remembering that my brother has limited awareness, on certain “fronts” I am able to detach and have a better relationship with him. I am able to practice easy does it and avoid “hot buttons” when I speak with him on the phone Watkins. Through remembering that he is a great guy and a tremendous blessing to me, but does not have certain capacities, I maintain peace in out relationship, instead of getting into a shame spiral for owning my truth.
Hope this helps my friend. I can definitely identify with the crazy making dynamics.
Have a great day Watson.
God bless you Sir.
Craig