I recently received a comment in my Facebook Community, Building Your Life after Traumatic Brain Injury, which you are invited to join and like. The comment was more of a statement than a question.
I am sharing what I replied to this comment in this article to offer hope. Offer hope to parents whose children are living with a brain injury. Children who may be struggling to accept the impact of their brain injury.
“My son is mostly still in denial. He’s 7 years in.”
I responded with the below. I am sharing this reply to the comment the individual left to share my experience. My experience with being in denial for a very long time. To read a more in depth account of my process and journey in being able to accept the impact of my denial, click on this link: Autobiography
Reply to the Individual’s Comment
Thank you for joining and being a part of our community. Happy to have you as a member. Thank you for sharing about your son. Do not know how old he was when his injury occurred. Mine was when I was 10, and I stayed in denial for various reasons, until I was about 42 years old or so. I will share a snap shot of my process of coming out of my own denial to encourage you to not give up on hope. More will be revealed.
In Part — My Process and Journey with Denial
Traumatic brain injury, car accident, in 1967 when I was 10 years old. Open skull fracture, right frontal lobe damage, a severe brain bruise with brain stem involvement. Coma for 3 weeks. Fractured left femur (thigh bone), traction 7 weeks, Spica (full-body) cast for 5 months. 2 EEG’s, battery of psycho social testing. Was not supposed to succeed beyond high school academically. Learned how to walk, talk, read, write and speak in complete sentences. Tutored at home in 5th grade. Mainstreamed back into elementary school in the 6th grade. Looked normal. Graduated with my high school class in 1975. Went on to obtain my undergraduate degree in 10 years (2 universities, 1 community college). I then went on to 0btain my master’s degree (2 graduate schools) in Rehabilitation Counseling with my national credentials CRC (Certified Rehabilitation Counselor). Nevertheless, after a 20-year history of getting and losing jobs and being a client with 2 different State Department of Vocational Rehabilitation’s (Florida and North Carolina), 2nd Vocational Rehabilitation evaluation determined that I was not employable. Applied 3 times for SSDI, the 3rd application approved. For many years I felt like someone who was all dressed up with nowhere to go. I experienced a lot of disappointments and discouragement, despite all my best efforts to succeed academically and vocationally. All my efforts came up short in both my academic and vocational pursuits, but I am glad that I did not give up. Give up by confronting my denial, moving through a grieving process and finding a way to use my gifts, talents and abilities in ways that worked. On February 6, 2007, 7 years after my Voc. Rehab evaluation revealed I was employable and my 3rd SSDI application was approved I created Second Chance to Live. Created Second Chance to Live after writing poems, an autobiography and a book that was not published. In the event that you would be interested you may read this article by clicking: Comprehensive History of Second Chance to Live — Answering the Call that never Came
What I needed to have happen to break free from my denial.
I have heard that denial is like a warm blanket that protects us from having to feel feelings that we do not know how to process or do not want to feel or process. Denial also justifies not making changes, that may not know need to be made, want to be made or know how to be made. In my experience, I needed to get to a point in my life when denying my reality was more painful than my need to continue to deny my reality.
When I reached this point, I began to grieve what I could not change. At this point, I confronted my denial.
I then became angry at what I could not change, tried to change what I could not change (bargaining) and when my anger and bargaining no longer worked, I became depressed. I stayed depressed until I got sick and tired of being sick and tired about being depressed. When I reached this point in time, I began to accept what I could not change. As I grew in my ability to accept what I could not change I found hope.
I found hope by discovering what would work for me, despite what had not and did not work for me.
“Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” Albert Einstein
Creating and Developing Hope in My Life
Developing what has worked for me through Second Chance to Live has been a process and a journey. I am still developing my craft 17 years after I created Second Chance to Live. Here is a link to the resources that I have created over time that have helped me on my journey. Resources to Create Hope Lost after Brain Injury. As you have questions, please ask in a comment below. All questions are welcomed.
Please also let me know if what I shared with you helps. Please also like this article, if the article helps you.
“Big things have small beginnings.” Prometheus
“Believe in yourself. Go after your dreams and do not let anyone put you in a box.” Daya
“When setting out on a journey, do not see the advice of someone who has never left home.” Rumi
“Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“You may be the only person left who believes in you, but it’s enough. It takes just one star to pierce a universe of darkness. Never give up.” Richelle E. Goodrich
“Those who danced were considered to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.” Angela Monet
“If you feel like you don’t fit into the world you inherited it is because you were born to help create a new one.” Ross Caligiuri
“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something is more important than fear.” Ambrose Redmon
“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You’re here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.” Banksy
“Don’t quit. Never give up trying to build the world you can see, even if others can’t see it. Listen to your drum and your drum only. It’s the one that makes the sweetest sound.”Simon Sinek
“Here’s to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes… the ones who see things differently — they’re not fond of rules… You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can’t do is ignore them because they change things… they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” Steve Jobs
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