Because I lived in my denial and the denial that other people had for me I was unable to comprehend, much less accept how my traumatic brain injury impacted my life. Consequently – and because I was unable to connect the dots — I spent much of my time and energy defending the denial that kept me bound to the expectations outlined by the definitions to have worth, value and significance.
Because I found that I was unable to meet the expectations – to maintain a career and an affiliation (s) with various churches, groups and organizations to gain a sense of worth, value and significance – I experienced ongoing discouragement, disillusion and depression. I found that I continued to experience these feelings until I realized that I could no longer deny or rationalize away my traumatic brain injury.
As I began to realize that I could no longer deny or rationalize away the impact of my traumatic brain injury, I slowly started to experience spiritual awakenings.
In my struggle to find peace, I found that I fought against myself as I attempted to fulfill what I thought was required of me – to meet prescribed definitions and standards. I found that I continued to fight against myself until I began to realize that my worth, value, meaning, purpose and significance were never meant to be defined from outside of me by a set of definitions and / or standards. I began to realize that my worth, value, meaning, purpose and significance were to be found with in.
“My mother said to me, ‘If you are a soldier, you will become a general. If you are a monk, you will become the Pope.’ Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.” Pablo Picasso, a very famous painter
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