If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9 and Part 10 of this series, please do so to understand the context of Part 4. Thank you.
My experience has taught me that when I attempt to gain the support, validation, and approval from people – who have repeatedly shown an inability to grasp my reality – I am figuratively going to the hardware store looking to find bread. The reality is that hardware stores do not supply bread. My experience has taught me that when I refocus my time and energy away from trying to gain the validation, support, and approval from people who can not or will not “get it”, I effectively stop taking on the shame and guilt for being an individual who is living with a brain injury and an invisible disability.
My experience has taught me that when I stop receiving guilt and shame for being an individual — who is living with a brain injury with invisible deficits and limitations — I stop giving away my power to the people who do not or can not accept my reality. As I stop giving my power away to those individuals, I stop allowing these individuals to manipulate and control me through their denial. As I stop allowing people to control and manipulate me – because of what they are unable to accept and thus their denial – I am able to start using my time and energy in ways to empower my life.
In my experience, I discovered that accepting this reality / my reality was not an easy task or process. The denial system (s) of family and friends had a huge pull. In my experience – when the pain of not accepting my reality exceeded the pain of being told I was wrong – I decided to begin considering my reality as the truth. In my experience, I found that I had to / needed to grieve my reality and the denial system (s) – that I had unknowingly bought into for many years as being my reality. I had to grieve my inability to do and be a person who was not impacted by a traumatic brain injury. I had to grieve the reality that my life was not going to take on the form of obtaining the American “dream”, although I had worked hard to achieve both my undergraduate and graduate degrees.
Please read Part 4 now by clicking on this link Part 4
If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9 and Part 10 of this series, please do so to understand the context of Part 4. Thank you.
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however, I maintain ownership of the intellectual property AND my articles, video presentations and eBooks are not to be considered OPEN SOURCE. Please also provide a link back to Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. I look forward to hearing from you. More Information: Copyright 2007 –2017.
Craig
I particularly appreciate the bread analogy. It truly drives home what I have experienced. Individuals do not the ability to understand what such unique experience. They are just unable to grasp the concept. Sadly this includes medical professionals. Thanks for the insightful analogy!
Ron
Hi Ron,
Thank you for taking the time to write to me. I agree. Sad — but true — that even professionals are among the misinformed and jaded. What can not be seen by professionals is minimized, marginalized, dismissed and discounted.
Consequently, because of a lack of professional awareness and understanding, people like you and I — who are living with brain injuries — find ourselves being misunderstood, maligned and manipulated to fit the mold of what those professionals do not understand.
Thank God that we have been give a degree of awareness that can in turn set us free from the snare of being misunderstood, maligned and manipulated. Thank God that the awareness that we gain — through our process — can help us to learn to accept our reality.
Thank God that our awareness and acceptance can give us the motivation to take the necessary action steps to move beyond the confines of the box called denial. Thank God that we no longer have to fit into a box because of a lack of awareness or understanding.
You are welcome on the analogy of the hardware store and bread not being there my friend. The analogy is by no means original. I heard the analogy some years ago. Nevertheless, some days I still find myself going to hardware stores in search of bread.
The good thing is that I am becoming more aware of what hardware stores look like — in shorter periods of time.
I will say so long for now my friend. Thank you again for writing to me!
Have a great day and God bless both you and your family Ron.
Craig
Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
Second Chance to Live
http://www.secondchancetolive.wordpress.com
Because our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but they are meant to build us up!
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life that you have imagined…you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another, you only have an extemporaneous half-possession…Do that which is assigned to you and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson