For context please read Part 1
I am not exactly sure how and when my black and white thinking began, however I believe my black and white thinking developed to compensate for the fear, anxiety, shame and guilt that I experienced as a traumatic brain injury survivor. As I did a searching and fearless moral inventory through my recovery process I discovered how I responded to many factors through out my life time. Through my process I have drawn some conclusions. I do believe that my black and white / all or nothing thinking evolved over time as a bi-product of family dynamics, the way I adjusted to living with an invisible disability and in response to my learning style.
As a traumatic brain injury survivor I have learned how to make adjustments, however I have found myself guessing at what is normal for many years. I realized that I used black and white / all or none thinking to compensate for the injury to my brain in my attempt to maintain relationships with the people in my world. Through my experience I discovered several realities. Some of the people in my world are not able to accept or willing to understand why I have interpersonal difficulties — or how my life has been and continues to be impacted by my traumatic brain / acquired brain injury.
Through my recovery work and exploration I have learned some valuable lessons. I share in detail the lessons that I have learned as they relate to living with an invisible disability and black and white / all or none thinking in the following articles. My encouragement to you my friend would be to read through the each of the articles and see if you can relate to what I have shared in those articles. If so please let me know. I would love to hear from you.
A 4 part series — My Struggle Living with an Invisible Disability. A 2 part series — The Consequences of Denying my Reality, My article — Traumatic Brain Injury and the Double Bind, My 2 part series — Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient, My articles — Whose Shame are You Carrying, Displaced Sadness, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel, The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences and Second Chance to Live — The Truth about Humiliation and Humility.
One final article that I would encourage you to read my friend is The Power of Identification because you are not alone.
I look forward to hearing from you.
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however please attribute me as being the author of the article (s) video presentation (s), and provide a link back to the article (s) on Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. Thank you. I look forward to hearing from you. Copyright 2007-2016.
Hi Craig,
It is such an encouragement to read through some of these article and see how you’ve dealt with your brain injury. My story is similar, I had a Brain Injury in 2007 and now in college. I’m 20 and working on my undergrad. I deal with my brain Injury on a day to day basis. But, other people (my roommates, faculty, other students) do not understand my internal struggles that I face. Sometimes I try to ignore my Anxiety, forgetfulness, sleepless nights, and emotional outburst. But its so hard. I see that you went through college with a Brain Injury. Do you have any advice or pointers?
Thanks,
Kurt
Hi Kurt,
Thank you so much for writing to me. You are a remarkable individual Kurt. In my experience I grew up not knowing that I had been impacted by the severe brain damage that occurred at the time of the car accident in 1967. Because I was able to teach myself how to walk, talk, read, write and speak in complete sentences the invisible nature and impact from my traumatic brain injury remained disclosed. Although I went through a battery of tests in follow up to my traumatic brain injury when I was 10 — and the results were shared with my parents that indicated that I would probably not be able to make it beyond high school academically — but I was able to obtain both my undergraduate and graduate degrees the impact from my tbi was never factored into the difficulties that I was experiencing. You see my parents did not disclose to me that I was not supposed to succeed beyond high school. I can definitely identify with and appreciate your question Kurt.
If I may suggest, please read through the below articles that I have given you links to below. The information is not meant to overwhelm you — as I am sure you have plenty of reading to do for your classes.As you get the chance read through the below articles as I believe you will be able to identify with me. I believe there is tremendous power in identification. Coming out of isolation is healing and empowering.. I appreciate your question. In my experience, I did not know that I had sustained a brain injury or the impact the injury to my brain. If I may suggest, please read the following articles that I have written. I believe they will give you some insights into my own struggles and how I have faced those struggles. Each brain injury is different and there is a tremendous amount of denial to confront and overcome — in ourselves as tbi survivors and from those who want us to buy into their denial system (s) — because of the invisible nature of our disability.
I need to remember that life is about a process not a destination. What we learn along the way is more important than reaching any goal. The journey and process is what empowers and equips us. If you have an questions as you read through these articles my friend, please feel free to reach out to me Kurt.
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/02/18/my-journey-thus-far/ 3 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/11/03/traumatic-brain-injury-and-suicide/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/12/traumatic-brain-injury-and-denial-my-perspective-as-a-tbi-survivor/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/04/18/the-power-of-identification/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/14/my-struggle-living-with-an-invisible-disability/ a 4 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/21/having-an-invisible-disability-%e2%80%93-the-consequence-of-denying-my-reality%e2%80%94part-1/ 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/28/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-double-bind/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/04/12/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-square-peg/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/07/07/traumatic-brain-injury-self-esteem-and-significance/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/14/second-chance-to-live-and-letting-go-of-unrealistic-expectations/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/17/traumatic-brain-injury-and-energy/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/19/traumatic-brain-injury-denial-and-limiting-scripts/ a 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/21/traumatic-brain-injury-and-overcoming-denial-%e2%80%93-part-1/ 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/05/25/traumatic-brain-injury-and-the-grieving-process-%e2%80%93-part-1/ a 7 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/06/traumatic-brain-injury-%e2%80%93-moving-beyond-the-grieving-process/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/04/07/traumatic-brain-injury-%e2%80%93-freedom-from-isolation-%e2%80%93-part-1/
a 2 part series
https://secondchancetolive.org/2008/06/12/traumatic-brain-injury-following-your-bliss%e2%80%a6regardless/
Per your information, it took me 10 years to obtain my undergraduate degree and then after 1 year of seminary being told that I needed to get counseling for 1 year and then they would re-evaluate whether I would be re-admitted to seminary. Several years later I entered a graduate program in rehabilitation counseling at the University of Kentucky, where I almost was dismissed from that program because I could not write Individualized rehabilitation plans during one of my practicums. I had some difficulties during my internship because I had a difficult time interacting with large groups of anti-social individuals that I was working with at a Chemical Dependency Center. I did obtain my undergraduate and master’s degrees by sheer persistence and motivation according to the neuro-psychological exam. As you read through my the above articles you will learn of the specifics of my struggles and how I faced those struggles.
I believe our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, because I believe that our circumstances teach us lessons that prepare us to be able to take advantage of opportunities that become available to us. Those opportunities in turn provide more circumstances that teach us new lessons. Those lessons prepare you and I for more opportunities, which collective point us in the direction of our destinies. So don’t lose heart my friend. More will be revealed and you will be given what you need, even in the hard times. Trust me. I KNOW.
Have a great day my friend and God bless you Kurt.
Craig