Please read each part of this series for context. Thank you. Part 1 Part 2 , Part 4 Part 5, Part 6 , Part 7, Part 8 , Part 9, Part 10
My stipulations mandated that my expectations – stated or implied — be fulfilled for me to remain in the relationship. When my expectations were not fulfilled I found that I became indignant, angry and critical toward those, in a relationship, that I was seeking to maintain. If my expectations were not fulfilled — over time — I would become indignant, angry, negative, critical and judgmental toward the relationship. These negative attitudes — left unchecked — would invariably crystallize into resentments.
Needless to say, I pushed many people away from me because no one could fulfill my ongoing expectations. My cumulative expectations — in effect — left me despondent, alienated and isolated because I could not live up to my own expectations to be perfect. In the process, I alienated people who cared about me and isolated myself from the very source of my healing — a loving God.
In the midst of my despondency, I had a spiritual awakening. The indignance, anger, negativity, criticism and judgment that I infused into my relationships with God, myself and other people — through my expectations — had in effect sabotaged and undermined all my relationships. The expectations that I had for people to be perfect as I was driven to be — so that people would not criticize, blame, reject or abandon me — proved to act as a spiritual cancer, that sought to destroy my very life.
My spiritual awakening revealed to me that I was creating the very thing I desperately strove to prevent — spiritual, emotional and physical abandonment.
With my growing awareness and acceptance, I became willing…
Please click on this link to read Part 4 — Part 4.
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Hi Mr.Phillips, It is good what your sharing with the group however one of the Group member is having a problem the term God what can I say to him By the way what you shared this week is continuing to make my job a little easyer so Thank you keep doing a good job.
Your friend and your fellow survivor
Walter
Hi Walter,
Thank you for writing. I understand…I believe. For whatever reason people have had a bad relationship with God and as a result have a hard time believing that they can trust God. They many have been burned through the churches they attended or God did not meet their expectations. Consequently, these individuals may have bought into the notion that God can not be trusted
In July of 2007I wrote a 3 part series, Making Peace with God to share what I learned through my process and journey on the topic of being at peace with God. You may like to read through that series to gain some of my perspectives. I believe my relationship with the God of my understanding has changed — grown — over time.
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/07/14/making-peace-with-god%e2%80%94part-1/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/07/14/making-peace-with-god%e2%80%94part-2/
https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/07/15/making-peace-with-god%e2%80%94part-3/
I also believe that I can share my experience, strength and hope with people concerning my relationship with God, however some people need to heal before they can have ears to hear. Also, my sponsor in Alanon reminded me several years ago after I shared the message with a group of church people and they did not want what I had to give. I felt dejected and frustrated and that is when my sponsor reminded me concerning the 12 Step of Al anon ” Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps — taking and working with a sponsor through the preceding 11 Steps — we tried to carry this message to others and to practice these principles in all our affairs”. My sponsor reminded me of the phrase, “…we tried to carry…” in that we tried and that does not mean that we were successful or the people wanted, embraced and thanked us for sharing the message with them. When my sponsor shared that with me, I realized that all I could do was to plant seeds, and maybe water some that had already been planted, but ultimately God was the one who could and would cause people to embrace the message Walter.
My experience is that I need to struggle with things until I make peace with those things. I need to give people the dignity to struggle while sharing what has worked for me.
I hope the above proves to be helpful my friend.
Hey, by the way I have some good news to share with you. I have written a short article on the good news Walter. https://secondchancetolive.org/2009/07/29/second-chance-to-live-and-the-brain-injury-association-of-canada/. Share the news with other people in your sphere of influence. Thank you Walter.
I will say so long for now. Have a pleasant evening and God bless you and your family Walter.
Craig