Living with a brain injury, invisible disabilities, other disabilities, or adversity, in general, can leave you and I feeling alone and isolated. But, the good news is that we no longer have to remain alone or isolated.
Instead, we can reach out to one another. And as we reach out to one another something magical happens. As we share and identify with one another we realize that we are not alone. In the process, we find courage.
We find the courage to come out of hiding.
What I Discovered about the Power of Identification
Identifying with others gives me the ability to listen to and hear the message, instead of judging the messenger.
Identifying with other people gives me the freedom to stop judging myself. Identifying with other people gives me the ability to benefit from their experience, strength, and hope.
Identifying with other people teaches me that I can trust the process, a loving God and myself. Identifying with other people gives me the ability to experience a freedom that I never knew existed.
In April 2007 I wrote an article to share what I discovered about the power of identification.
Below is a copy of that article.
The Power of Identification
written April 18, 2007
Welcome back and I am so glad you decided to stop by and rest. You are a gift to me. I am fired up about a particular topic today. I have been fired up about this topic for most of my life. As a person with a disability, I never quite felt like I was enough or that I measured up. I never quite understood why I did not measure up until I began to understand the insidious nature of comparison. For too long, I measured my worth by the status quo. I allowed the measuring stick of other people to dictate how and what I thought about myself.
When I started treating myself with dignity and respect, I began having spiritual awakenings. One of these awakenings revealed that having a disability challenged the status quo. Although I sought to measure up to expectations, I found myself consistently falling short in my efforts. Living with my brain injury and my invisible disability left me clueless in my attempts to compensate for my real — yet unknown — deficits and limitations. In the process of my attempting to overcompensate I lost sight of who I was as a person. In the process, I became a human doing rather learning how to be in life.
Doing, instead of being, became more important as I sought to prove my standing amongst the status quo. Even as I attempted to overcompensate through overachieving I had no idea how my brain injury and my invisible disability intrinsically impacted my world. What made matters worse was that I sought to defend the notion that my brain injury, invisible disability, deficits, and limitations had nothing to do with my inability to meet expectations. In the course of defending my denial, I found that I was denying who I was as an individual.
In the course of maintaining and defending both my denial and the denial of family and friends, I grew weary in my attempts to prove that I was not an individual living with a brain injury and an invisible disability (with deficits and limitations). In my weariness, I reached a point in my life when I could no longer deny my reality. When I reached this place of despair — in which I could no longer deny my reality — I discovered a series of causes, effects, and contrasts. Below, I will share some of what I learned through examining those cause, effects, and contrasts.
Understanding these cause and effects helped me to stop fighting against myself. Understanding these cause and effects helped me to discover and explore what would works the best for me. What worked best for me, given the injury to my brain, my invisible disability, deficits and limitations.
Contrasts
Identification and Comparison
Identification empowers, whereas comparison minimizes contribution. Comparison asserts stipulation to inclusion. Comparison mandates that certain criteria be met. Comparison predicates acceptance. Comparison demands compliance. Comparison postulates performance. Comparison shuns that which is different. Identification encourages progress while comparison specifies and expects outcomes. Identification celebrates small successes, whereas comparison, by its nature seeks to invalidate. Identification encourages individuality and motivates self-expression. Identification cultivates creativity.
Individuality is not considered a threat. Status quo is dismissed. Identification empowers and motivates. Identification musters enthusiasm in the face of any discouragement. Identification breaks down the walls of isolation. Alienation is dismissed. Eccentricity is held in esteem. Self-respect, self-esteem, and self-worth no longer need to be qualified. Value and ability are accepted at face value. Identification seeks to reconcile. Identification promotes humility.
As I seek to identify with others I practice love and tolerance. Identification frees my humanity to explore apart from comparison’s dictates. Identification encourages individual expression. Identification encourages hope, whereas comparison predicates performance. Identification encourages the process. Identification promotes self-confidence. Progress is accepted as a function of seeking to accept both others and oneself. As I love and accept myself, I am free to create, with my being.
My being and worth are not tied to a specific “toy” or outcome. I no longer need to keep up with the Jones. I no longer need to chase after external validation. Identifying with others dispels my need to judge. Identification gives me permission to take risks and to scrape my knees in the process. Identification promotes excellence, not perfection. Identification frees me to stay in the moment and to live life on life’s terms. Identification promotes unity. Identification gives me the freedom to explore and be myself.
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however, I maintain ownership of the intellectual property AND my articles, video presentations and eBooks are not to be considered OPEN SOURCE. Please also provide a link back to Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. I look forward to hearing from you. More Information: Copyright 2007 -2019
“as I sought to compare myself, I denied my humanity.”
This has also been true for me, an uninjured, “normal” person. Though our situations seem different on the surface, we may actually be on the same journey. A lot of people would benefit from your wisdom.
Right on! I never thought of it before but you are so right. This is where we actually begin to appreciate and enjoy the “essence” of each individual person – even their flaws because that is what truly makes them unique.
I love your writings I am a case worker for tbi Patients and I really appreciate your site. Sending you alot of love.
Hi Rosa,
Thank you for your words of encouragement. You are a blessing to me my friend. I have 199 published articles on Second Chance to Live presently. You can find a list of them in my Site Map Rosa. I am going to write my 200th article in the next several days. Although not all of my titles have Traumatic Brain Injury or Disability in their titles I share principles to encourage, motivate and empower throughout all of my articles.
In the event that you know of groups or organizations that would benefit from my experience, strength and hope I am available for speaking engagements. Please have them contact me via a comment or email Rosa.
Thank you again for your kindness. God bless you.
Have a simply amazing day my friend.
Craig
I discovered 2 years ago that I had a brain haemorrhage when I was 9 yrs old. i lost all my co-ordination, balance and had slurred speach. This had previously been explained to me as the result of a virus, but recently while on a self-defence course I passed out through fear and then over the next few weeks had massive flashbacks which revealed I had been attacked and raped as a child. I have no memory of this whatsoever, and feel extremely confused, and my family deny that anything happened to me, just that I somehow banged my head. I have just come out of a nasty relationship that triggered some stuff off within me. Now I suffer post-traumatic symtoms, although have been partly desensitised by my classes. i have no-one to talk to about this, and feel alone. I’m training to be a psychologist – the irony!
We have to know who we are before we can decide where we are going. Great discovery Craig!
Hi Ken,
I completely agree with you Ken. Thank you for reaching out to me. Thank you also for calling. I enjoyed speaking with you Sir.
I like quotes and there are several that are among my favorites. Here they are:
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to life the life that you have imagined…you will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present every moment with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent of another, you have only an extemporaneous half-possession…do that which is assigned to you, and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
Have a simply phenomenal day and God bless both you and your family Ken.
Craig
Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
Second Chance to Live
https://secondchancetolive.org/
Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up!
My son was in a really bad car accident in January 26th of 2015 he suffered a severe traminic brain injury. It’s hard at times for him to understand what he has come threw I’m really trying my hardest to help him understand but myself I don’t have a lot of knowledge on brain injury. He is learning how to walk and is starting to say words little by little. As I read all this stuff your writing about just give me hope for my son that there is avoid life after having brain injury. Thank you so much for all your writing
Hi Diane,
Thank you so very much for your comment. You are welcome my friend. In my experience acceptance took a very long time for me to begin to grasp. I tried to deny my reality, that I was living with a brain injury and an invisible disability for a very long time. I do not know how old your son is now or when his traumatic brain injury occurred. I do not know if you have seen or read my series, Finding Craig. Finding Craig is an 8 part series in which I share my journey living with a brain injury and an invisible disability over the course of the past 48 + years. I will include a link to the article series below if you would like to read the series Diane.
I have also written 7 e Books, in which I include a collection of my articles from Second Chance to Live and Create a Spark of Hope. The e Books are free for download and you are welcome to download and read the articles to your son. I will include a link to my 7 e Books below. As you read through my article series and e Books and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions.
I need to remember that recovery is a life long process and not a destination to be reached. If you would like to speak with me or would like me to speak to your son, please let me know and I will send you my phone #. Let me know Diane.
Thank you for being a support to your son. One day at a time in this process. Ultimately, he will have to be the one to make the decision to recover. In my experience, I had to hurt enough where the pain and need to deny my reality had to be superseded by the pain of no longer being able to deny my reality. I had to reach this point in my life before I could stop blaming myself for not being able to not be impacted by a brain injury and an invisible disability. I had to reach this point in time to be able to stop taking it personal when people could not accept my reality. I needed to reach this point in my life so that I could take a different course of action.
In my experience I had to grieve my reality before I could begin to create hope in my life. Below is a link to an article that I wrote on the topic of opening the door to hope.
Please let me know if the article, the article series and my e Books help Diane. Please also say hello to your son for me. I look forward to hearing back from you. Thank you.
I will say so long for now.
Have a peaceful day.
Craig
Opening the Door to Hope.
http://createasparkofhope.com/2015/06/25/opening-the-door-to-hope-2/
Finding Craig
https://secondchancetolive.org/2016/01/31/finding-craig-telling-my-story-part-1/
Empowering Life after a Brain Injury
https://secondchancetolive.org/empowering-life-after-brain-injury/