If you have not already read Part 1 of this article, please do so before reading Part 2. Click on this link — Part 1 – to read Part 1 of the article. Thank you.
Humility teaches the individual that they are on a journey. Humility teaches the individual that on that journey, the process is more important than the destination. Humility teaches the individual that — some times with seeming serendipity — they are being led in the direction of their destiny
Humiliation on the other hand scorns. Humiliation’s motive is to control and limit. Humiliations by nature strips the individual of their uniqueness, self-esteem, self- respect and value. Humiliation demands justification. Humiliation seeks to disparage, minimize and marginalize the individual — at their very core. Humiliation promotes fear and insecurity. Humiliation undermines enthusiasm and motivation. Humiliation promotes fear. Humiliation cripples initiative.. Humiliation quashes hope.
Prior to understanding the distinction between humility and humiliation I berated myself on a daily basis. I believed that I was the problem and thus deserved to be victimized and humiliated by life and the people in my world. Consequently, I felt trapped by the voice of criticism and the clamoring of shame. My efforts to be enough were constantly chided as inadequate. Consequently, I developed insecurity, low self-esteem and low self-worth. I did not believe that I made mistakes, but that I was a mistake.
At the core of my being, humiliation chided me as inadequate and unlovable. My attempts to quiet the voice of humiliation — shame and criticism — only seemed to reinforce the impact that humiliation had upon my life. Unrealistic expectations kept me anxious and depressed. Humiliation reinforced the belief that I could not do enough to be enough. Humiliation stymied my being through intimidation. Humiliation consequently demanded that I be perfect before I could hope to find peace — with other people, much less than with myself.
Humiliation, rather than humility subsequently reinforced my sense of shame and inadequacy. Humiliation distorted my perceptions and held me captive to the belief that who I was and what I had to contribute in life did not matter. Because of my distorted perceptions — prior to understanding the distinction between humility and humiliation — I could not take the risk to be humble. I had to keep hyper vigilant. I had to be on guard.
With time and through my recovery process I cam to understand that humility validates and heralds my best efforts as good enough for today. Because I have learned how to trust the process — rather than trying to control the process — humility has been able to encourage me do the foot work and then let go of the out comes.
Through maintaining humility I am able to revel in what I am experiencing in the now — with out a fear of reprisal. As I let go of my need to justify, answer and defend who I am — I am able to be. As I am able to be I am free to create with out the threat of being criticized or shamed for my efforts. Consequently, I am able to focus on excellence — instead of striving to be perfect — with each new day.
In the pursuit of excellence, I no longer need to listen to the voice of humiliation or be humiliated by my efforts. Consequently, I can rest though my efforts and live beyond my limitations because I do not have to focus on my limitations. Humility allows me to accept who I am, where I am at today. Humility allows me to learn from my experience — rather than judging my experiences. Humility empowers my perspective and motivates me to learn from my circumstances.
Humility gives me the freedom to be who I am, where I am… Humility releases me to live beyond my limitations because I do not have to depend on my own resources. Humility teaches me to stay in the moment. Humility helps me to find my center. Humility teaches me to trust the process, a loving God and myself.
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Thank You Craig. This is an article…these are articles to which I plan to return often to digest more fully. I am trying to figure out where I am and where my loving God is taking me. One of the biggest difficulties presently for me is vocation–I was a Special Education teacher, but now am a bagger at Von’s, trying to get back into the hospitality industry, with little success. I am a TBI survivor, suffering from the effects of a coma I was in 39 years ago. It was about a year ago that it was discovered that I have been “permanently” effected by my injury. I thought I had fully recovered but my family is telling me that there is something wrong and the psychologist tells me i have anasognosia (I don’t know that I don’t know) which is why I think I am fine. My daughter is working at a higher position than I am now (at a Starbucks at my alma mater, SDSU), making more money than I am. This is somewhat humiliating, My wife has had to go back to work so we can pay the bills. She makes more than I do too. The respect issue is something I am having trouble dealing with. Your articles and words are encouraging and I resonate with much of what you say. One of my favorite phrases of Augustine of Hippo is “The three greatest Christian characteristics are humility, humility and humility.” I believe we all look to find our worth in the opinions of others to some degree and we need to find satisfaction in God and His love for us and in His plan. I do not know where I am going but, as you so often put it, need to trust in His love. Thanks for the reminder.
Christopher
Hi Christopher,
You are welcome my friend. I am grateful that you took the time to write to me. Thank you Sir. I understand I believe Christopher. I worked as a bagger at Winn Dixie after receiving a master’s degree in Rehabilitation Counseling, while I was a client of the Department of Vocational Rehabilitation here in Charlotte. It is a long story how I came to this place of working as a bagger, until I got fired from that job too. I was found to be unemployable by the DVR in 1999. After my 3rd application and shortly after being deemed unemployable I was declared disabled by the Social Security Administration. I began receiving benefits in 1999.
You can read a brief explanation of my process on my About Page. Here is the link to my About Page Christopher http://wp.me/P3atD-D, If you would like to read about my story in a more detailed explanation – which may be able to identify with me my friend – please read my 7 Part series My Journey thus Far. Here is a link to the 1st Part of My Journey thus Far http://wp.me/p3atD-e. At the bottom of Part 1 are the links to each of the other parts of the 7 Part series.
In my experience Christopher, I had to grieve my reality as a man living with a traumatic brain injury and an invisible disability my friend. I had to grieve my reality before I could begin to accept my reality.
Below are links to an article series that I wrote that you may find to be helpful Christopher.
Traumatic Brain Injury and Overcoming Denial — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Part 1
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Part 2
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Part 3
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Process of Grieving — Anger and Resentment — Part 4
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Awareness– Part 5
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Grieving Process — Acceptance — Part 6
Traumatic Brain Injury and the Process of Grieving — Action — Part 7
Traumatic Brain Injury — Moving beyond the Grieving Process
Give these articles a read – at your own page – and please let me know if they help my friend.
In my experience, when I stopped fighting against myself and my reality I was able to accept what I could do – using the gifts, talents and abilities in ways that work for me. With the encouragement of a friend I started a blog on February 6, 2007 to share my gifts, talents through Second Chance to Live.
I would encourage you to look into ways to use the gifts, talents and abilities that God has given to you – your passions – in ways that work for you my friend. I have heard that the journey of a thousand steps begins with the first step. Life is about a process and a journey not a destination. Let me share one of my favorite quotes with you Christopher and I will say so long for now.
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life that you have imagined…You will meet with a success unexpected in common hours” Henry David Thoreau
Have a great day and God bless both you and your family Christopher.
Craig
Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
Second Chance to Live
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Sharing Hope in the Face of Adversity
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Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up.
Craig, I agree with you on your thoughts on humility and humiliation. Coming fresh out of an excruciating experience … showed humility in front of wrong people who do not understand what it is, making me feel totally humiliated. Am looking at an abyss, and feel cheated by my own humility.
Thank you so very much for writing to me and for sharing what you have my friend. Sorry for your painful experience. Seems like I learn the best lessons when I hurt. Don’t like it at the time, but glad in hindsight that I had the experience. I hope you are doing some better. Sometimes I find that it just takes what it takes to detox from toxic situations. Good news is that the dust does settle and life goes on. I hope what I am shared above does not sound like I am minimizing what you are dealing with my friend. I am not. Just sharing some of my awareness’s that I have gained through painful interactions. I will say so long for now. Have a pleasant and peaceful evening my friend. Craig