If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 of this series please take the time to do so my friend. Thank you.
The denial system and role would set me up to fail in my relationships, because I did not know how to have a relationship with myself, much less how to engage in healthy relationships. The denial system and role would set me up to fail in my vocational and career attempts, because I did not know how to compensate for the limitations that I did not know existed. The denial system and the role would leave me to believe that I could control what was clearly out of my control – people, places and things.
The denial system and the role would challenge and shame me for my reality, for 35 years post injury. The denial system and the role would leave me to believe that my relationship and employment conundrum was all up in my head. The denial system and the role would seek me to shame and criticize me for not trying hard enough. The denial system and the role would seek to minimize the impact the injury to my brain, because I was able to compensate for many – but not all — of my limitations.
In the remaining parts of this series, I will share with you the information that has been paramount to my learning how to trust, my ability in making decisions and my capacity to have a relationship with myself.
So you may say to yourself, “Why did you share what you have in the 1st 6 ½ parts of this series?” Let me explain. Through my recovery process, I discovered that I needed to find out why I felt stuck in the role and why I participated in the denial system. I discovered that I needed to examine why I felt the need to do the “dance” in all of my relationships. I discovered that I needed to find out why I did not have a relationship with myself. I discovered that I needed to find out why I was addicted to drama and crisis.
I needed to discover why I consistently found myself in toxic and unhealthy relationships.
I discovered that I needed to find out why I had such a difficult time treating myself with love and respect. I discovered that I needed to find out why I had such a difficult time trusting, yet abandoning myself in relationships that reinforced my inability to trust. I discovered that I needed to understand why I was driven to prove my worth and value to the people – who repeatedly showed their inability to see my worth and value. I discovered that I needed to find out why I felt like a victim of my circumstances.
I discovered that I need to find out why I allowed other people to abuse, mistreat and victimize me.
Please read Part 7 for context. Thank you.
If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 of this series please take the time to do so my friend. Thank you.
Here is my Contact page. Send comments and questions and I will respond to you.
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