Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. You are always welcome around my table. Recently I received a comment / question from a visitor to Second Chance to Live. The visitor asked several excellent questions in reference to the black and white / all or none thinking that I discussed in my 4 part series Finding Freedom from Unrealistic Expectations. I believe sharing those answers with you would be beneficial. My motivation is to share what has helped me to find freedom from the impact of the unrealistic expectations that I placed on God, other people and myself.
My visitor wanted to know if my black and white / all or none thinking was present before I experienced my traumatic brain injury or if my black and white / all or none thinking was a product of my traumatic brain injury.
My traumatic brain injury occurred when I was 10 years old in 1967. You may read about my process up until I created Second Chance to Live in my 3 part article, My Journey thus Far. By reading the series you will gain further insight into my experience growing up with an invisible disability. Because I was able to teach myself how to walk, talk, read, write and speak in complete sentences and do well in school my parents did recognize that I had an invisible disability. In 1967 little was known about traumatic brain injury so I was treated like any other adolescent and teenager.
Although I had ongoing difficulties interacting in complex social situations I was able to obtain both my undergraduate and graduate degrees. Consequently, the difficulties that I encountered during my academic / non professional / professional experiences were never attributed to the possibility that I had an invisible disability. Practically speaking, I had no idea that the traumatic brain injury — that I had experienced at the age of 10 — had anything to do with the difficulties that I encountered in both academic and work settings.
Consequently, I only started to consider the possibility that my life had been impacted by a traumatic brain injury when I was 38 years of age. Nevertheless, I continued to buy into a host of denial systems for another 6-7 years. Through my process, I discovered that my black and white / all or none thinking told me — through the various denial systems — convinced me that if I just tried harder I would not be impacted by my traumatic brain injury. In essence the message that I internalized was that if I just tried harder I could and would be enough.
Because I was able to obtain my graduate degree and had a good work ethic I continued to discount my reality for another 6-7 years.
Please read Part 2
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Mr. Phillips,
I’m very thankful for having found this page. In 2002, just before turning 22, I got into a car accident that left me with a tbi. I did 40 days inpatient and 2 months outpatient therapies. After about 4 months, I moved back in with my pal and started back at both my jobs. Eight months after that I went back to college, only taking 2 classes to start, but I got B’s. So I had a miracle recovery, and on the surface, there seemed to be no problems at all.
Being who you are, you know where this story is headed. I would imagine that the way I’m understanding myself, is directly or a by-product of this black and white thinking. The excuse I try to make up is to tell people: “Cut out the minnesota (often times illegitimate) nice, and shoot me straight”. Also, I really don’t care for people being indirect about expressions. And on the other side of that is my being overly direct, which as you can imagine, is a less than ideal method of carrying on.
It had been suggested to me several times, by people in the medical community, that I should look into maybe some anti-depressants to help balance me out. Which in reply to I say, “That’s like taking fiber suppliments instead of eating food high in fiber, taking the easy way. Why would I do that when that seems to be something that would be changing chemicals or something in my brain, and instead of fixing the problem, masking the problem. Long story short, I Ain’t Taking Pills..Thank you-good day”
I plan to go on reading as much as I can about you and your situation, to hopefully though this, find a better way of understanding where I’m at. If you have a moment, could you take a look at this and tell me what you think? Thank you for putting this page up. It’s much apprecitated.