“If nothing changes, nothing changes. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’re going to keep getting what you’re getting. You want change, make some.” Courtney C. Stevens
In my experience, I have found that I determine how I choose to experience my life. I am not saying that I am able to control people, places and events because I am not. To think that I have the power to change people, places and things is foolishness and a waste of time and energy.
With my awareness I have come to realize that having control or asserting control is merely an illusion of power.
When I let go of the illusion of control, I am able to accept that I am powerless over people, places and things. As I practice the power of acceptance new doors are opened to me. When I admit my powerlessness, I am able to admit my limitations. Through admitting that I have limitations, I discover that I am not helpless. When I realized that I was not helpless; in my process, I had a spiritual awakening. Because I am not helpless, I am able to take action steps.
Action Steps
These action steps enable me to accept the things that I cannot change, to change the things that I can. The difference between what I can and what I cannot change.’
Through my process I have grown to trust a power greater than myself. Consequently, I have made a decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of that power. In the process I made the decision to become a proactive participant in my life. Subsequently, I have been empowered to change.
Change the things that I can. As a proactive participant in my life the obvious became apparent. I needed to change my attitudes and the perspective (s) that I placed on my experiences. I needed to be honest with myself. I needed to be accountable to myself. I needed to stop blaming anyone.
I needed to keep the focus upon myself. I needed to take a fearless moral inventory of myself, not to berate who I am but to free the negative energy of my defects of character. Through my process, I discovered that my defects of character were in essence the defense mechanisms.
Defense mechanisms that I used to protect myself over time. Through examining my motives and by being honest with myself I began to realize. Realize that my defense mechanisms were no longer serving me or enhancing my relationships. I found that my defense mechanisms were hindering me.
Hindering my ability to truly live my life. Through being honest with myself I was slowly able to come out of hiding. My isolation was broken when I met with my mentor and shared what I discovered about myself. As I trusted the process and shared my story, I discovered that I was not terminally unique.
As my mentor listened without judgment I began to learn to trust again. In my trust I became willing to have my defects of character removed. In the next action step, I humbly asked the God of my understanding to remove my character defects. The next step involved making a list of the persons.
A list of persons that I had harmed throughout my lifetime. I placed myself on that list. Next, I became willing to make direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or other people. In my process I shared such amends with my sponsor.
I shared the amends that I felt I needed to make with my sponsor. I did so before I attempted to make amends to those individuals. In the next action step, I made a decision to continue to be honest with myself. In the process keep my side of the street clean by continuing to make direct amends.
Next, I made a decision to trust again by praying for the knowledge of God’s will for me and the power to carry that out on a daily basis. I took this process one day at a time.
In the final action step, as a result of completing the previous action steps, I became willing. In the process, I had and continue to have spiritual awakenings. Consequently, I am motivated to share my experience, strength and hope as I have the opportunity, while letting go of the outcomes.
My spiritual awakening (s) also inspires (s) me to practice the principles of 12 action steps in all my affairs. Through my spiritual awakenings I am able to grow in my ability to have healthy relationships. Healthy and functional relationships with myself, the God of my understanding and other people.
Synopsis of the 12 Action Steps
In the spirit of sharing the power of these action steps I have compiled a synthesis of the action steps. I will include that list below.
1– You may be powerless over many things but you are not helpless. Although your life may seem unmanageable now, you no longer need to feel like a victim (helpless).
2– You do not have to be alone anymore to figure it out on your own. You can ask for help.
3– By making the decision to turn your will and your life over to the care of a power greater than yourself, you will find an unlimited source of encouragement, motivation, empowerment and hope.
4– You can find out what you have been doing to sabotage your life. You can look for patterns that have undermined your life. Consequently, you will be able to stop shooting yourself in the foot of life.
5– You no longer need to hide in the shadows. You can begin to trust. By admitting to a loving God, to yourself and to another human being what you found in step 4 (that has been sabotaging your life, you can find a new freedom. A freedom that you never knew existed. Through the process, you can make peace with the God of your understanding and with yourself.
6– You can become entirely ready to let go of the behaviors that you have been using to defend, answer and explain. You can become ready to stop sabotaging your relationships and yourself. Be encouraged my friend.
7– You can be actively involved in the process of seeing the behaviors that have sabotaged your life removed. Have those behaviors removed by humbly asking a loving God to remove the behaviors that have sabotaged your life and relationships.
8– In working in partnership with a loving God you can make a list of the persons. Make a list of people; including yourself, who you have been harmed. Who you have harmed by participating in behaviors that have sabotaged your life and your relationships.
By making a list of the people you that have negatively impacted or harmed (that you have gleaned through completing your 4th action step) you become willing to make direct amends to them all.
9– You make direct amends (once you have completed the first 8 action steps and you have talked with your sponsor). Make direct amends to the people who have been negatively impacted by the behaviors that you have previously used to cope. Consequently, you can make peace with your fellows, and in the process make peace with yourself.
By completing this amends step; making amends, you can be released from the burden of guilt and shame. You can find a new freedom to live your life while giving other people the permission to do so.
10– On a daily basis, you continue to take a personal inventory. When you recognize that you have harmed others you promptly admit those wrongs to the person (s). On a daily basis, you continue to be accountable to and for your behavior. You choose to keep your side of the street clean.
11– You do not have to live life each day by yourself. You can rely on a power greater than yourself to lead, guide and direct your steps, one day at a time. You don’t have to lean on your own understanding. You can pray for the knowledge of God’s will; for you, and the power to carry that out.
You can trust the process, a loving God and your ability to learn from your circumstances and experiences. In the process, you will be empowered to live the life that you have imagined.
12– Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of working these 12 action steps you attempt to carry the message of the 12 action steps to other people. Carry the message of hope through the 12 action steps. Carry the message of hope by practicing the principle of the 12 action steps in all your affairs.
Note: The 12 action steps are not meant to be punitive in nature. Instead, the 12 Action Steps are designed to empower you and I to live life on life’ terms — while succeeding. The 12 action steps — by divine design – are meant to free the individual of self-defeating behaviors that sabotage and undermine their lives and their relationships. The 12 action steps — by divine design — empower the individual to be of maximum service to God and to their fellows.
Note: In the original text the 12 Steps “We” has been used where I have written “You”. I have used you instead of we to emphasize that you are powerless over people, places and things. I have needed to keep the focus on myself as I have worked through the 12 action steps.
Nevertheless, by participating in a 12 Step recovery program, you never have to be alone again. As I have heard mentioned. 12 Step recovery programs are a We program.
In my experience, I have found that when I choose to take the focus off of myself and place the focus on another person, place, event, institution or thing I miss the benefit. Miss the benefit that can be gained through working the 12 action steps with a sponsor.
I have found that when I am drawn to take the focus off of myself and place the focus on something I need to work the 12 action steps. I need to examine my triggers and reactions.
In my experience, I have come to realize that the 12 Action Steps are not meant to point out where I am not measuring up. Instead, the 12 Steps are meant to set me free from limiting behaviors and limiting beliefs that sabotage and undermine my relationships. My relationship with the God of my understanding, other people and myself. The 12 Steps empower my ability to be of maximum service to a loving God and my fellows. My ability to be of maximum service one day at a time.
Hello, I am a TBI case manager and I facilitate a TBI support group, I am familiar with the 12 steps and traditions of AA/NA and have been wanting to transform them for the TBI individuals,it looks like others have too. Would you send me what you have created so that I may help others. Thanks Teresa
Several weeks ago I wrote to you about your web page and what I feel is the unique magnitude of the articles you write. I haven’t had the opportunity to reply to your response, but I am hoping to attend the Colorado Brain Injury Association Conference this week and will try to gather more information on how they choose their speakers. Do you, by any chance, have a tape – or recording of any kind – of a motivational talk you have given? I would like very much to hear you speak. Also, I thought I would be working on my web site (through the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation)in the very near future. I had hoped to share some ideas with you. However, at the moment, my counselor has reneged on his commitments to me. Evidently there have been numerous complaints, and several sets of records (mine included) are being evaluated for negligence. The bottom line – it may be awhile before I’m able to get started on my web site. However, I will let you know what I’m able to find out at the conference. I’ll contact you in a week or so.
Edie
P.S.
I did send the link to your web site and articles to a couple of friends who struggle with TBI issues also. Each was equally impressed with your courage, enthusiasm, and talent.
Hi Edie,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to write and leave a comment. Thank you so very much for your kind words and encouragement. Thank you for sharing Second Chance to Live with our brothers and sisters. I am available to speak at conferences, conventions, seminars, churches or any other venue. Per a tape of my motivational style and delivery, I have been interviewed several times and those interviews can be found on Second Chance to Live.
The URL for those interviews Edie is https://secondchancetolive.org/interview/ The first interview is 60 minutes long and the second interview is a little over 17 minutes. I am sorry that I do not have a tape of those interviews to send to you, however you have my permission to make a copy of those interviews to share with individuals at the Colorado Brain Injury Association Conference. If you would be so kind as to share your experience with Second Chance to Live with the participants and those in charge of conducting the conference, your time and kindness would be greatly appreciated my friend.
I am sorry about the aggravation you are experiencing through the DVR in your area. Please do let me know if I can be of assistance to your when you are able to begin work on your web site. I would be happy to share some of what I have learned with you Edie.
Thank you again for taking the time to leave a comment. Your time and kindness are greatly appreciated and highly valued!!!
Have a simply phenomenal rest of your day and God bless you Edie.
Craig
Hello Teresa,
Thank you so very much for taking the time to leave a comment. I would be honored to have you use my Synopsis of the 12 Steps. In my experience, for many years I did not know that I was a traumatic brain injury survivor. You may read my process in my 3 part series, My Journey thus Far Teresa. The URL to part 1 is: https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/02/18/my-journey-thus-far/ Because I grew up with an invisible disability and did not begin to understand how my tbi impacted my life until I turned 40 — and still remained in denial for another 5 years after that point in time — I have not really applied the 12 steps (adapted from the 12 Steps of Alcholics Anonymous) to living with a traumatic brain injury. I do not know how the 12 steps could be applied to living with a traumatic brain injury — as they used to address living with a person who has an alcohol or drug addiction of some kind. You have given me some excellent food for thought my friend.
In terms of living with the impacts of living with an invisible disability and what I have learned though my process as I have assimilated the 12 Steps into my experience, I speak directly to those topics. Some of those articles are below. My encouragement to you my friend would be to read through the below articles and share what I have learned with your TBI support group. In the event that you have any questions feel free to ask and I will be diligent to get back to you.
Teresa, I have written a 4 part series some time ago, My Struggle Living with an Invisible Disability https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/14/my-struggle-living-with-an-invisible-disability/ and then a 2 part series on Having an Invisible Disability — The Consequences of Denying my Reality https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/08/21/having-an-invisible-disability-%e2%80%93-the-consequence-of-denying-my-reality%e2%80%94part-1/
Over the past 5-6 years I have begun to integrate my reality into my 22 years of being involved in my own recovery process through being involved in Alanon, Coda and ACOA and through working through 12 steps with a sponsor who has also worked through the 12 steps with their sponsor in the program.
In my experience I have found that the 12 steps of Alanon — adapted from Alcoholics Anonymous — have helped me to address and break the 3 rules of Dysfunctional Family systems. Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. I have written about these 3 rules on my web site, Second Chance to Live.
The title is Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. The url for this articles is https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/24/don%e2%80%99t-talk-don%e2%80%99t-trust-and-don%e2%80%99t-feel/
I also address the consequences of not addressing these rules in my article, The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences. The url for this article is https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/24/the-three-rules-revisited-consequences/
In my article Displaced Sadness, I speak to how shame becomes hardwired in the the individual. The url of that article is https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/26/displaced-sadness/
In my article Whose shame are you Carrying I speak to how shame developed in my life and how that shame impacted my life in the family system and beyond. The url for that article is https://secondchancetolive.org/2007/05/25/whose-shame-are-you-carrying/
Through out Second Chance to Live, http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com I present principles and strategies for overcoming the family system rules and learning to live life on life’s terms. My encouragement would be to have your readers spend time reading through the articles that are found with in my Site Map. The url is https://secondchancetolive.org/site-map/
I am available to be a keynote speaker at conferences and I am equipped to lead seminars on a wide variety of topics.
Thank you again for taking the time to leave a comment and for asking for my permission to use my Action Steps, realizing that they are not mine. In the synopsis above I attempt to make them easier to understand and apply. You may use them to help the TBI survivors in the support group, realizing that the 12 steps that I have spoken to in my article, Making Peace with my Past in the context of “For a plan that has helped me to Make Peace with my Past please read: Second Chance to Live — Action Steps.
I hope the above information has been helpful my friend.
Have a simply amazing day and God bless you!
Craig