For many years after sustaining my brain injury I lived in denial. Denial of the impact of my brain injury and the invisible nature of my disability. In the process, (little did I know) that I took on the identity of my brain injury and my invisible disability.
Consequently, I blamed myself for the difficulties that I experienced for many years. In the process of blaming myself I unknowingly took on the identity of my difficulties.
In the process, I judged myself for what I could not accomplish and for not being able to stay employed. Not only did I blame and judge myself, but I experienced ongoing frustration.
To watch and listen to the video presentation of the article, click on this link: Living with the Impact of a Brain Injury and Finding Our Identity Video Presentation
Comment from Facebook
About a week ago I created a poster. In response to sharing this poster with different Facebook group pages I received likes and comments. Below is one of those comments that I would like to share with you.
Comment
“We need to look at the more positive side of life, being angry because brain injury sucks does none of us any good, the thing you find out if you have any kind of brain problem that there is nothing wrong with you so do not let others put you down a more positive way of thinking will make you feel a hell of a lot better and yea it sucks, but why live with the idea that brain Injury Sucks we know it does, So lets bring each other up instead of down enough people do that to us already because they are uneducated about the brain.”
My reply (expanded) to her comment
I agree, Nelly. People with brain injuries can stop believing that brain injury “sucks” by focusing on the solution (creating a good life for ourselves), instead of focusing on the problem (symptoms and stigmatization).
What helped me to stop buying into the notion that brain injury “sucks”
I needed to stop believing that my brain injury and my invisible disability was my identity.
“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” William James
By accepting what happened to me (instead of focusing on what happened to me) I was/am given a new lease on life.
I am given the ability to move beyond the impact of my brain injury and my invisible disability. In the process, I am able to discover who I am beyond the identity of my brain injury and my invisible disability.
I am able to realize that I no longer have to be stuck by what I can not change. I am able to discover what I can do. What I can do beyond the identity of my brain injury and my invisible disability to create and have a good life.
“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” Helen Keller (at 19 months old became deaf and blind)
What Helped Me to Get to a Place of Acceptance
To get to a place of acceptance, so that I could stop blaming myself for having a brain injury and an invisible disability, I needed to grieve. I need to stop denying what I could not change. I needed to process the anger that I held toward myself and the circumstances that I could not change. Processing my anger led to my trying to bargain (find a different way to not be impacted by my brain injury). When I realized there was no way to change what I was powerless over, I became depressed. As I worked through my depression I began to accept what I could not change.
Getting to a place of acceptance (through confronting my denial, being angry, trying to bargain {to find a way to overcome what I could not change and then being in a place of depression (for a good while as I struggled) all helped me to get to a place of acceptance.
“Just keep on going and keep believing in your original vision, no matter what the odds you have to overcome. And especially don’t be stopped by your fears.” Angelina Maccarone
Place of Acceptance
As I struggled my way to acceptance I began to realize that I could make different choices. Choices that would help me to discover who I am and what I could change. Choices that helped me to get into action to get different results. Results that gave me hope, by using my gifts, talents, and abilities in ways that would work for me.
Choices that helped me to find my identity beyond the belief that I am my brain injury and my invisible disability.
Don’t Give Up — More will Be Revealed
“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.” Winston Churchill
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Christian pastor and author John Piper offers this sage advise: “Occasionally, weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face. Trust God. And embrace the life that He has given you.”