Hi and welcome back to Second Chance to Live today. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by and visit with me. You are always welcome at my table. For many years I believed that I didn’t just make mistakes, but in many ways I believed I was a mistake. I internalized a sense of shame at the core of my being. In my attempts to rid myself of inferiority I attempted to control my environment through black and white thinking. My all or none mentality placed inherent limitations upon my ability to see the forest for the trees. Having an invisible disability added to my confusion as I sought to individuate as an individual.
The injury to my right frontal lobe precluded my ability to read subtleties in real time. My cognitive deficits and limitations many times derailed my ability to interact socially, especially when having to interact with groups of individuals. Nevertheless, because I was able to overcome many obstacles and succeed beyond all reasonable expectations – according to the professionals — the injury to my brain was consistently minimized. Consequently, the difficulties I had when interacting socially were subsequently attributed to an unwillingness to get along with people. For many years I was confronted with the statement, “Why can’t you get along with anyone.” Because I bought into the above denial system, I did not believe I had choices.
In my desire to shore up my inability to “get along” with people I became rigid in my thinking as I attempted to compartmentalize my interactions. As I attempted to overcompensate for my cognitive deficits and limitations — through processing and then synthesizing huge amounts of compartmentalized data — my creative energy was drained and depleted. Even though I diligently attempted to successfully field external subtleties and nuances I consistently came up short. Consequently, my very existence proved to be a complicated maze of experience — especially as I continued to deny my reality. Thankfully, through a series of events I reached a point in time where I was able to accept the impact of being a traumatic brain injury survivor.
As I accepted my reality I began to thaw emotionally and in the process of healing I was able to let go of my need to be rigid.
In my thaw, I began to realize that my rigid belief system stymied my capacity to truly live. Additionally, I saw how my compartmentalized thinking had effectively cauterized my creative capacity to be freely me. As my acceptance grew in proportion to my understanding and awareness, I came to realize that to truly live I needed the freedom of choice. As I continued to thaw my self-acceptance grew to the place that I could choose to accept that my good was good enough. I could choose to let go of my compartmentalized thinking. Rather than perpetuating the notion that I “should be able to read subtleties and nuances, I could choose to accept my limitations.
There are so many opportunities in life that the loss of two or three capabilities is not necessarily debilitating. A handicap can give you the opportunity to focus more on art, writing or music.
Jim Davis, cartoonist
Through accepting my limitations, I now choose to use my creative capacity in ways that worked for me. I choose to grow where I am planted. I choose to think out side the box of my limitations. I choose to use what remains through my gifts, talents and abilities. I choose to accept that I am a unique and special individual and I emit a perfect rainbow through my existence. I choose to trust the process, a loving God and myself. I choose to trust that more will be revealed with time. I choose to believe that my circumstances are creating my experiences, which in turn are preparing me to take advantage of my opportunities. I choose to let go of outcomes. I know that I am being led in the direction of my destiny.
When we cease to believe that we have choices we can easily loose site of hope.
My encouragement to you my friend is to believe that you too have choices. You can choose to use your creative capacity in ways that work for you. You can think outside of the box called your limitation. You can choose to grow where you are planted. You can choose to learn from your circumstance to create your experiences so that you are prepared to take advantage of your opportunities. You can choose to trust the process, a loving God and yourself. You can choose to let go of outcomes. You can choose to make the best of what remains. You can choose to be empowered through your opportunities. You can choose to live and not die.
Life is a journey not a destination.
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