Through my recovery process – from the effects of inadequate role modeling, codependency, shame-based spirituality, traumatic brain injury and distorted perceptions – I have arrived at specific conclusions. People can not see what they are not willing to look for in life. People react to what they do not understand with anger and accusation. Sometimes people react from being afraid of loosing something they have or not getting something they would like to have in their life.
Some people have no idea why they react, accuse or blame, they just do. With these awakenings, I have been able to accept several realities. I am powerless over opening people’s eyes that want to remain closed. I can not change or fix denial systems. I am not responsible for how people choose to react to my reality. Although I may want to have people understand my reality some people will – like my Dad did for many years – choose to not understand.
Finally, I have learned that if people do not have ears to hear, nothing I say can or will be heard.
In the final analysis, I need to apply something that my sponsor has told me. As St. Francis of Assisi’s stated in his prayer, it is better to understand than to be understood. Through my personal empowerment process over the last 30+ years, I have grown in self-awareness. As a result, I have been able to accept myself, as well as my frailties. Consequently, I have come understand how I too can succumb to reacting; blaming and denying when I am anxious or afraid.
With my understanding, I am able to show compassion toward individual’s who chose to react, blame or accuse when they are anxious or afraid. Consequently, I do not have to react to my friends, family members or acquaintances when they are restless, irritable and discontent. In the event that I have to interact with those individuals when they are in unrest, I can say what I mean, mean what I say, but not be mean in what needs to be said.
Another tool that has proven to be effective is detachment. I can also limit the amount of time that I have to be around people or situations that are not good for me. I can practice being brief, being calm and being gone. When I practice healthy self-care I am able to be who I am, rather than attempting live in someone else’s reality.
Please read the next part of the article by clicking on this link Part 3 for context. Thank you.
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