What I have come to realize is that when I say I want to be of service, here on Second Chance to Live and social media, is that I am saying I want to share with my readers what has worked for me and given me the ability to accomplish things that I never dreamed possible. When I say that I want to be of service, through Second Chance to Live and social media; is that I want to share what has helped me to learn how to fish, so that others may benefit from what I have learned.
“Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime” Author unknown
In my experience. I had no idea, that although I thought I was being of service; I was in actuality perpetuating behaviors that limited and enabled. In my experience, I had no idea that in the process of enabling; I was in fact going hungry. In the below article, I would like to share with you what I discovered that helped me to begin to see and serve in a different way. In the below article I would like to share what helped me to stop participating a “dance” that kept me hungry.
Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to have you around my table. Through my recovery process, I discovered some thing that changed the way that I look at and seek to be of service. What I discovered changed and empowered my life. For many years I unknowingly participated in a dance that undermined and sabotaged my life and relationships. The dance conditioned me to believe that I was responsible for the person who had the problem (their feelings, needs and wants) and thus responsible to fix their problem and to make them OK. My motivation was to make them OK, so the we would be OK, so that I could be OK.
Through my recovery process, I came to realize the my motivation for doing this dance was out of my fear that they would go away. My fear of abandonment was driven by not knowing how to take care of myself. The dance led me to believe that if I “fixed” people and made them OK, then I could be OK with myself. By making them OK, I could feel safe and secure. The dance led me to believe that I needed to care take the people with whom I felt responsible. The dance resulted in my feeling responsible for, instead of responsible to other people. The dance motivated and fostered me to engage in behaviors that limited, instead of providing solutions for empowerment.
Questions that need to be Considered when Serving:
What I discovered — through my recovery process — is that I need to check my motives. These are several questions that I need to ask myself. They will help me to determine why I am seeking to be of service. Am I seeking to be of service out of my fear that people will go away, if I do not do…? Am I doing for people, that need to do for themselves? Am I doing for other people, in an attempt to keep their side of the street clean; so that I do not have to focus on my side of the street? Am I striving to meet the other persons needs, while neglecting my own? Am I being manipulated into serving by guilt or shame? Am I giving out fish (es) or am I showing how to fish?
Below are 2 article series, along with the video presentations of the article series. By reading and or watching the presentations, you will gain further insight into what I have briefly shared in the above article.
1st Article series
2nd Article Series
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