In my experience, I had to make peace with the God of my understanding through resolving conflicts and inconsistencies in having faith. I needed to look at matters in a different way.. I had to understand God’s heart toward me so that I could trust Him.
I had to be like Dorothy in the “Wizard of Oz” who had to see what was behind the guise of the loud ominous voice. I had to make peace with myself and be convinced that God truly cared about my world in a non-punitive fashion.
I had to engage with a God who loved with an everlasting love, an unconditional love and a renewing love. I had to replace my mus-guided, inadequate belief system in order to trust the God who knew me before I was created in my mother’s womb.
I had to know this God who created me in awe and wonder. I wanted to know my God who cried with me, and was sad when I was sad, who rejoices over me with gladness because I am called according to His purpose.
I wanted to know God as a kind and loving Father. I wanted to know my God, who loves me with an everlasting, unconditional unfailing love. I wanted to know my God who promised to be with me, even to the end of the age.
What Changes I needed to Make
In order to restore my relationship with a loving God, who truly cared about my world, I had to make significant changes. In my experience, I had to physically detach from places, groups and organizations that controlled through the use of debilitating guilt and debilitating shame. I had to stop paying attention to people who wanted me to qualify my worth through performance.
I had to understand how debilitating guilt and debilitating shame drained my creative capacity. I had to understand how critical voices undermined my ability to trust God, the process and myself. I had to replace the demand of perfection with the pursuit of excellence. I had to replace the message of you always do things in a half ass way with a learning curve. Spiritual progress, rather than spiritual perfection had to become the measure of success.
Come to Terms with my Humanity
In my experience, I had to come to terms with my humanity, so that I could do a fearless moral inventory of myself in order to identify patterns that set me up to believe I was a victim of my circumstances. I had to identify defense mechanisms that no longer worked and I needed to be rigorously honest with myself. I had to do the necessary work to enable me to see myself as an empowered being, rather than a human doing.
I had to learn how to trust a God who was kind and loving and wanted my very best. I had to do the work to be able to accept the reality that I have a God, who dances and knows how to have fun. I had to begin to live life on life’s terms and let go of matters that are out of my control.
Growing in Awareness
In the work I have done — subsequent to my awareness — I have come to realize that God is for me, not against me. I do not have to earn the love of God for that is given to me unconditionally. I want to serve God and be of maximum service to my fellows because of love, not because I am driven to qualify to be loved.
I have come to understand that I am made up of a body, a soul and a spirit and they are to work in tandem, not separately. I have come to realize that God is more interested in my being, than in my doing. My relationship with a loving God motivates me to do the right thing. While there is evil and good in the world,
I believe my choice determines how I respond. I can choose to follow goodness and mercy. I can choose to be a part of the solution rather than part of the problem. I can be empowered regardless of what evil may lurk in my world.
What I have Learned
Because I have committed myself to my process, I am able to be at peace with a loving God and with myself (most of the time). I am able to learn from my circumstances, rather than be victimized by them. The lessons that I learn from my circumstances enable me to be apart of the heart of God that extends to all people. I am just one of the kids that God truly loves. You are one of God’s kids too and He loves you with an everlasting love. God loves us and cries with us when we cry.
He dances with us when we dance and He is sad when we hurt. His tender mercies are extended to you and me every morning. Because I know that God loves me I can depend upon His leading. He is my source and my posterity. He alone has the sum of my days in mind always. Having peace with God enables me to accept who I am, warts and all. I am the apple of God’s eye and so are you my friend.
Rejoice with me in that reality my friend. God knows and cares and has a future and a hope for both you and me. We are not orphans or stepchildren with God. He loves us with an everlasting love and promises to never, no never leave us. Because of His great love for you and me, we can rest in His presence and receive from His unspeakable grace and mercy.
God I do not know if you really care for me, but I am open to receive your love for me. Please restore our relationship and help me to experience you. I want to know how much you really love me. I am wounded and scared from past experiences and I need you to perform a miracle. Please heal my broken heart. Please reveal yourself to me. I am willing. Help me to be willing. In faith I ask you to be apart of my life. I ask you to lead me into your will and purpose for my life.
Thank you for hearing my prayer. Amen!
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