If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5, Part 6, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 of this series please take the time to do so my friend. Thank you.
I continued to maintain the role of the scapegoat and the identified patient in the relationships — that I sought to maintain — because I bought into the lie that I was responsible for any and all restlessness, irritability and discontent in each of my relationships. Consequently, in the process of attempting to maintain each of my relationships, I readily sought to discard the parts of myself that I perceived triggered any irritability, restlessness or discontent in each of my relationships.
In my recovery process, I came to realize that I had discarded parts of myself to avoid being criticized, blamed, shamed, ostracized, ridiculed, talked about negatively or made fun of in — and out of my relationships. I discovered that I discarded parts of myself because I believed that my worth and value were directly connected to whether I received the approval and validation of the people in my relationships. I discovered that I discarded parts of myself in my attempt to control that which could not be controlled.
I discovered that in the process, I unknowingly participated in dynamics that perpetuated and reinforced the faulty belief system that sought to keep me convinced that I did not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. In my ignorance, I absorbed responsibility for irritability, restlessness and discontent – in the lives of people — over which I was powerless. Consequently, I enabled irresponsible and dysfunctional behavior — in other people and in myself. In my enabling, I lost myself as I attempted to find myself in people and relationships. In my behavior I became the identified patient.
For further insight, please read my 2 part article, Traumatic Brain Injury and the Identified Patient
Please read Part 5 for context. Thank you.
If you have not already read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 5, Part 6, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11, Part 12 of this series please take the time to do so my friend. Thank you.
Here is my Contact page. Send comments and questions and I will respond to you.
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