13
Jun

Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Impact Part 2

If you have not already read Part 1 of this article, please do so at this time by clicking on this link: Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Part 1

In my experience, I have found that pointing fingers in anyone’s direction is of little value. Pointing fingers in other people’s directions only keeps me feeling helpless and hopeless. Through my recovery process, I have heard and believe to be true, “If nothing changes, nothing changes.” I am powerless over what happened to me, but I am not powerless over what I do about what happened to me. For this I am responsible. In my experience, I have become aware. Through becoming aware, I have grown in acceptance and in my acceptance I have come to realize that I have choices.

These choices empower me to experience my life. In my experience, when I became aware, I realized that I could do some thing different.

For many years, I was conditioned to buy into a core belief. After this core belief was established, a trigger was set to be tripped to get a desired response. The core belief was that I am responsible for other people’s feelings, needs and wants. In the belief system, I was conditioned to believe that I was also responsible for other people’s irritability, restlessness and discontentment. Consequently, if the people in my life were irritable, restless and discontent — for whatever reason — I was at fault. This conditioning led me to believe that if people were angry or upset with me, I needed to” fix” them.

When I did not meet the expectation(s) of people, I was criticized and blamed for not meeting their expectations. When I experienced criticism and blame,  the previously set trigger — shame — was tripped. The trigger produced anxiety in me, which instigated my drive to comply in order avoid being further criticized, blamed and shamed for not meeting expectations. With such repeated experiences of being criticized, blamed and shamed for not getting it “right”, I strove  all the more in an attempt to be perfect. In my striving to be perfect, I found myself being enslaved by doing to justify my existence.

In my over developed sense of responsibility, I strove to be perfect so that people would not be angry and upset with me.

Doing became more important than being, as I sought to do more, to be more, to be enough. To do more, to be more in my attempt to be enough, I engaged in a dance that perpetuated being manipulated. I did this dance with virtually everyone in my life. The dance went like this: If the people in my life were not “OK”, I was at fault. In my hyper vigilance to arrest feeling like a mistake, I felt driven to “make” them “OK”. To “fix” their irritability, restlessness and discontent, so they would not go away.  To keep them from going away, so that I  would not lose myself.

I engaged in this dance, because I was led to believe that what other people thought about me was more important than what I thought about myself. I engaged in this dance, because I did not know where other people ended and where I began, as I lived my life. I engaged in this dance because, I did not know how to be “OK” with myself. I engaged in this dance, because I did not know how to have a relationship with myself.

Please read the conclusion in Part 3 of this article by clicking on this link: Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Impact Part 3

As you listen to, watch or read my articles and questions come to mind, please send those questions to mind. All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment,  I would love to hear from you.To do so, please use the below contact form. I will respond to your comments and questions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Craig

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Subscribe to Second Chance to Live, Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

11
Jun

Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Awareness Part 1

For many years, I felt alone and isolated. For a very long time I had no idea why I felt alone and isolated.  Through my process, I discovered that my sense of being alone and feeling isolated stemmed from my inherent sense of  shame. In Part 1 of this article, I would like to share what I have learned about shame and its effects. In Part 2, I will share how shame impacted my life and well-being. And in Part 3, I will share some strategies that help me to recognize and combat shame and in the process, avoid being manipulated. 

Note: First of all, let me make some distinctions. Shame is different from guilt. Guilt is an indication that some thing wrong has been done. By recognizing guilt, an amends can be done for the wrong done. Shame, on the other hand; is a being wound. Shame — through blame and scapegoating — seeks to make one responsible for another persons, behaviors, attitudes, restlessness, irritability and discontentment. The impact of shame — through repeated conditioning — leads the individual to believe that they do not just make mistakes, but that they are a mistake.

Shame leaves the individual not knowing where they end and other people begin. Shame drives the individual to overcompensate out of the belief that they need to be perfect to avoid being blamed and being a scapegoated for matters that they are told they are responsible. Perfectionism leads the individual to believe what other people think of them is more important than what they think of themselves. Shame and perfectionism frequently leads the individual to believe that their good is not good enough. This belief is reinforced because the bar of expectation is moved indiscriminately.

Shame leads to the individual to believe that they deserve to abused, mistreated and excluded. Shame leads the individual to being taken advantage of by other individuals, groups, organizations and even churches, because of their need for approval. Shame, in unhealthy relationships — with individuals, groups and organizations and even churches — is used to manipulate and control individuals who are shame based. Shame based individuals do not believe that they make mistakes, but that they are mistakes. Shame based individuals are led to believe that approval comes from doing is ultimately important, instead of learning to be.

Please read Part 2 of this article by clicking on this link:  Living with a Traumatic Brain Injury — Am I Being Manipulated? Part 2

Information learned and shared in this article series comes from a multiple of sources such as John Bradshaw Healing the Shame that Binds You, Jane Middleton-Moz Shame and Guilt – Masters of Disguise and Alice Miller Drama of the Gifted Child among other sources.

As you listen to, watch or read my articles and questions come to mind, please send those questions to mind. All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment,  I would love to hear from you.To do so, please use the below contact form. I will respond to your comments and questions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Craig

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Subscribe to Second Chance to Live, Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

 

 

3
Jun

Second Chance to Live — Resources for Addressing, Handling and Being Empowered by Adversity

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Thank you. I hope you are doing well today. I am having fun with my time. I have not written an article offering Second Chance to Live as a Resource on Addressing, Handling and Being Empowered by adversity up until now. I am doing so now, because I recently made accessing the articles that I have written and the video presentations that I have created more accessible using categories. As background, I would invite you to read my article  Addressing, Handling and Being Empowered by Adversity.

I believe that adversity — regardless of the reason or cause of the adversity — is merely a switch on the railroad of life. The switch directs life in a direction that I may not have otherwise traveled. Adversity provides me with opportunities to learn new lessons, have new experiences and take advantage of opportunities. Through learning the lessons, having the experiences and taking advantage of opportunities, I am empowered by adversity.

In my experience, I have found that I am made up of a body, soul and spirit. My body gets me around, my soul is made up of my mind, will and intellect. My spirit directs me as I live my life.  In my experience, I found that I need to be healed in my mind, body and spirit so that I am able to function as an empowered being to live my life fully.   

During the past 87 months I have written articles and created video presentations to share what I have learned during the past 47 years. The lessons, experiences and opportunities have served to empower my process. In my experience, I discovered that adversity has served as my teacher and my coach.  Adversity has taught me and empowered my process and my journey. During the course of the past 87 months, I have written 1230 articles and created 220 video presentations on different subjects and topics.

Recently, I created article and video presentation archive to aid in the accessing of my articles and video presentations. Each article and video presentations is created from what I like to call, the power of identification, Identification empowers our ability to come out of isolation and gives us the freedom to be ourselves. In February 2007 — after creating Second Chance to Live — I published an article in which I share my perspective on the power of identification. You may read the article by  clicking on this link my friend:  My Focus

Below I have a list of links to the archives / categories of my articles and video presentations. To access each archive / category, click on the categories high lighted link and a page will open for you.  The page will reveal a list of articles and or video presentations in that archive / category. Once the page has opened, you may click on the article or video presentation title and the article will open for you either  on Second Chance to Live and or on You Tube.

As you read, watch or listen to my articles and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me.  All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you.

Before I go, let me encourage you with this my friend, as I need to remember.

Please do not give up on your process, a loving God or yourself. More will be revealed in time. The pieces of the puzzle or your life will come together at the right time and in the right order. Be encouraged my friend. Our best days are out in front of you.

Here are the Article and Video Archives / Categories

Article Categories

Video Presentation Categories

In the event that you have a difficulty opening the categories / articles / video presentations, please let me know.  Thank you.

As you listen to, watch or read my articles and questions come to mind, please send those questions to mind. All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment,  I would love to hear from you.To do so, please use the below contact form. I will respond to your comments and questions.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Craig

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.
Subscribe to Second Chance to Live, Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

 

18
Nov

Living in Peace — One day at a Time Video Presentation

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to have you around my table. In today’s article I want to introduce the video presentation of the article I wrote – Living in Peace – One day at a Time. Below is a brief excerpt from the article:

“Several nights ago I attended a meeting, where the topic of discussion was the 11th Step, “Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God’s will for us and the power to carry that out”. As I listened to people share their thoughts I reflected upon something a mentor of mine reminds me of at times, to the affect of:

You don’t have to live life more than one day at a time. We have everything that we need for today.”

To watch the video presentation of the article, please click on this link: Living in Peace – One day at a Time Video Presentation.

In the event that you would like to read the article, here is a link to the written article: Living in Peace – One day at a Time

As you listen to, watch or  read this article and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good question. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You may send your question (s) or comment (s) by clicking on this link: Contact Page.

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friend  Subscribe in a Feed Reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

27
May

The Three Rules Revisited — Consequences Video Presentation

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Thank you.  Over the past several days I created a 2 part video series, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. Today, I am introducing my video presentation of the article that I wrote in follow up to Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel, The Three Rules Revisited – Consequences.

I create video presentations to share my articles because I have found that individuals learn in different ways. Some individuals learn though reading, while other individuals learn through watching and listening. To empower individuals who learn through watching and listening I have created a video presentation of this article. I would invite you to watch the video presentation.

To watch and listen to the article, please click on the following link my friend The Three Rules Revisited – Consequences Video Presentation

If you would also like to read the complete article, please click on the following link The Three Rules Revisited – Consequences

In the event that you would like to contact me, here is my Contact page. Please send comments and questions to me and I will respond to you.

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on  Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA All rights reserved. Expressed written permission is required to re-publish material presented on Second Chance to Live Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

 

24
May

Don't Talk, Don't Trust and Don't Feel Video Presentation Part 2

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. In today’s article I am going to introduce Part 2 of the video series, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. I would encourage you to watch Part 1 of this video series, as Part 1 introduces the the topic and in Part 2 I share my personal experience on the topic.  

I believe you will be able to identify with me my friend.

To recap, the information presented through this video series can benefit anyone who may have grown up feeling terminally unique, isolated, as though they never quite fit in, as though they never had a say in their life, experienced difficulties in loving and accepting themselves or felt as though their life did or does not matter.

As you listen and watch this video series and questions come to mind, please send me those questions. All questions are good questions my friend. And please do not give up on yourself, a loving God or your process my friend. More will be revealed with time. Trust the process and a loving God and trust yourself.

To watch Part 2 of this series, please click on the following link, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel Video Presentation Part 2

To watch Part 1 of the video series, please click on the following link, Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel Video Presentation Part 1

To read the entire article, please click on the following link, Don’t Talk, Don’t, Don’t Feel

In the event that you would like to contact me, here is my Contact page. Please send comments and questions to me and I will respond to you.

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on  Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA All rights reserved. Expressed written permission is required to re-publish material presented on Second Chance to Live Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND

23
May

Don't Talk, Don't Trust and Don't Feel Video Presentation Part 1

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live my friend. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Thank you. In May of 2007 I wrote an article by the title of Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel. During the past 5 years, this article has met a unique need in recovery treatment, groups and circles.  

Because I have found that individuals learn in different ways, I offer my articles in various formats. In written form and through reading my articles in video format for individuals who learn through watching and listening.

The information presented through this article can benefit anyone who may have grown up feeling terminally unique, isolated, as though they never quite fit in, as though they never had a say in their life, experienced a difficulty in loving and accepting themselves or have felt as though their life does not matter. 

In the past several days I have been feeling led to share this article in video format. Because of the length of the article, I have decided to divide the video presentation into 2 parts. To watch Part 1 of the video presentation, please click on the following link  Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel Video Presentation Part 1

I will share Part 2 of the video presentation in the next several days

For those individuals who would like to read the complete article, you may do so by clicking on the following link Don’t Talk, Don’t Trust and Don’t Feel.

As you watch, listen or read this article and questions come to mine, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you my friend.

In the event that you would like to contact me, here is my Contact page. Please send comments and questions to me and I will respond to you.

Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on  Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.

Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friends through a Feed Reader

Subscribe in a reader

All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA All rights reserved. Expressed written permission is required to re-publish material presented on Second Chance to Live Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND