I have been thinking about some thing that I feel led to share with you. In my experience I have found that there are several traps that can leave you and I feeling like we are failures. We can be led to believe that because of our brain injuries that we are failures, because of what happened to us.
Consequently, we may find ourselves focusing on what we can not change (what happened to us), instead of making peace with what happened to us.
But the Good News is that We are Not Helpless. We can define success for ourselves after a brain injury
As a result, we may find ourselves feeling trapped by the notion that we are now helpless, hopeless and contained within a model that fosters secondary gains and secondary dependencies. A model that seeks to control and contain us.
Unknowingly and Unconsciously
In response, we may find ourselves buying into the notion that we are victims of our circumstances.
That we are subservient to a patriarchal system that communicates to us that we are unable to make empowering choices, for ourselves and for our lives.
That we are unable to express our capabilities to create and enhance our lives as individuals living with brain injuries.
That we are not able to empower the lives of individuals within the brain injury community and beyond.
How are We Defining Success as Individuals living with Brain Injuries
Another trap that we may find ourselves falling into is believing that we are failures because our lives are not marked by opulence. That we are failures because our station in life, be it disabled by societies standards; does not give us the means to be able to acquire or possess what society considers to be measures of success. In response, we may have people in our lives who, subsequently; patronize who we are as individuals and by their attitudes minimize, marginalize, dismiss and discount who we are as individuals. We may subsequently find ourselves buying into the notion that our lives are of little significance and value, beyond the ability to acquire societal measures of success. We may subsequently find ourselves undercut by the notion that we can not be successful.
We Can Set a Different Course — Making Self-Directed Choices
In the process, we may find ourselves acquiescing to fill the place that a patriarchal society has set for us. Set for us to control and contain who we are as individuals living with the impact of a brain injury. Set for us to meet and fulfill their agendas. In the process, we may find ourselves going along to get along, not realizing that there are other choices.
Choices that we can make to empower and enhance our creative capacity to enrich our well-beings.
But We Don’t Have to Stay Stuck
We no longer have to wait on the approval or validation of a patriarchal system, that in practice; seeks to minimize and invalidate our voice as individuals living with brain injuries.
The Good News — We Can Define Success for Ourselves
The good news is that through being aware of these notions, as individuals living with brain injuries; we can make choices. We don’t have to buy into the impact of labels, stereotypes, and stigmatization. Instead, we can make the choice to express our unique creative capabilities and capacity.
The good news is that we no longer need to focus on what we can not accomplish. Instead, we can be aware of our limitations and deficits and stop fighting against ourselves. We can use our energy to discover what we have and what we can do in ways that will work for us.
The good news is that we can stop trading our judgment for the judgment of other people.
Walking Down a Different Street
The good news is that we can choose to walk down a different street and try some thing new. Some thing that is unique to our gifts, talents and abilities. In the process, we can begin to define what success means and looks like to us.
The Power of Choice
There Is a Hole in My Sidewalk
Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson
Chapter One
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter Two
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend that I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in this same place.
But, it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter Three
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep whole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in…it’s a habit…but,
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately,
Chapter Four
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter Five
I walk down another street.
Quotes that Inspire
“I was told over and over again that I would never be successful, that I was not going to be competitive and the technique was simply not going to work. All I could do is shrug my shoulders and say, ‘we’ll just have to see.” Dick Fosbury (Olympic Gold Medalist. Inventor of the “Fosbury Flop” High Jump Technique)
“I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do.” Helen Keller
“Regardless of your lot in life, you can build some thing beautiful on it.” Zig Ziglar
“I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples.” Mother Teresa
“It is not as important what happened to us, but how we respond to what happened to us.” Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
“Do what you can, where you are, with what you have.” Theodore Roosevelt
“Insist on yourself, never imitate. Your own gift you can present with the cumulative force of a whole life’s cultivation; but of the adopted talent you only have an extemporaneous half-possession…Do that which is assigned to you and you can not hope too much or dare too much.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Seek out that particular mental attribute which makes you feel most deeply and vitally alive, along which comes the inner voice, which says, “This is the real me” and when you have found that attitude, follow it”. James Truslow Adams
“If you advance confidently in the direction of your dreams and endeavor to live the life that you have imagined…You will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” Henry David Thoreau
You have my permission to share my articles and or video presentations with anyone you believe could benefit, however, I maintain ownership of the intellectual property AND my articles, video presentations and eBooks are not to be considered OPEN SOURCE. Please also provide a link back to Second Chance to Live. In the event that you have questions, please send those questions to me. All questions are good questions. I look forward to hearing from you. More Information: Copyright 2007 -2022.
Gary Czugh says
A simple physical analogy to all the sequalie of dealing with life. “A mans got to know his limitations” . Trial and error. You cannot be shielded from this. Everyone goes through it. Even the president of the United States. When does it end? Never.It seems like a different problem, but we know what the problem is. You’re not where you want to be? Ahhh. Things take time. Sometimes a long time. And a lot of work. WORK? It’s nice to have someone else plan your route. The challenge is planning your own route. Stay right sized. You’ll figure it out. Sometimes it seems below you. But you do have reasons…..not excuses.
Second Chance to Live says
Hi Gary,
I agree. When I can accept my limitations I am able to start on a new journey. A journey of discovery. Awareness, acceptance, and action. Action, that opens the door to hope and possibilities. I agree. We figure it out as we go along. More will be revealed with time. I do the footwork, as I feel led by a loving God and then trust the results (outcomes) to Him. He alone has the Big Picture. Trust the process, trust a loving God and trust my ability to learn from the circumstances that become part of my process and journey. Thank you for leaving a comment and for sharing what you have with me, Gary. Have a pleasant evening, my friend. Craig