How do you learn best? How is your learning helping you to live your dreams? Whose shame are you carrying?
In our western culture, the “microwave” mindset prevails. If we can not have it, do it or be it “now” there is something wrong with us. For many years I bought into this way of thinking because of what I had been led to believe. That I should be able to do “it”, “have it” or “be it” perfectly and with little time or effort. In response, what became apparent to me was that perfectionism was driving me. I also found that I was driven to be perfect out of fear. What I began to realize was that my drive to be perfect had been getting in the way. In the way of my learning process and my ability to succeed in life.
In response, I found myself driven by the “ism” of “perfectionism” out of a fear of abandonment. An abandonment, from other people and even myself. What I discovered was that my need to be perfect was getting in my way. In the way of my learning process and my ability to succeed in life. Succeeding in my life, in ways that would work for me. In ways, that would equip me to follow my dreams and fulfill my destiny.
In ways that would help me to follow peace in my learning.
What I Discovered
Driven by perfectionism , I attempted to prove my worth and value to keep people from going away. You see I was led to believe that my worth and value came from outside of me. In the process, I developed habits of approval seeking, people pleasing and mind reading. Perfectionism drove me through the conditioned belief that because I did not meet expectations, I was a mistake.
Through my recovery process, I discovered something that I had been doing to myself for many years. I had been “shoulding” on myself for many years. I had been “shoulding” on myself by being driven by the notion that I: Should Have Already Mastered Everything. With this ongoing awareness, I discovered that I had been shaming myself, for not honoring my learning process.
With my ongoing awareness, I discovered that I had been shaming myself, for not honoring my learning process. For not honoring how I learned and how fast I learned.
With my awareness, I discovered that I had been allowing myself to be shamed by other people for several reasons. I found that I had been attempting to learn in ways that did not work for me. I also realized that I had been allowing other people to shame me because I was not giving myself enough time to learn. With this awareness, my life and learning process began to change.
A New Freedom
With my awareness, I began to experience a new freedom. A freedom to learn in ways that would work best for me. A freedom to learn at my own pace. A freedom to do things in ways that would work for me. A freedom to run my own race. A freedom to stop buying into the notion that I should have already mastered everything. A freedom to stop feeling like a mistake. A freedom to stop being undermined a fear of failure. A freedom to create. A freedom to reach my goals and dreams in ways that work for me. A freedom to not give up when other people told me I had no chance. A freedom to keep “tweaking” and making adjustments. A freedom to stumble and rise again, without abandoning myself for how I learn. A freedom to be at peace with myself.
What Helped Me
Through my recovery process, I discovered that shame kept me stuck for many years. I discovered that shame is a “being wound”. Shame is different than guilt, in that, with guilt; you can make an amends. Shame, on the other hand, debilitating shame; gives no option of relief. With my awareness, I began to realize that I needed to examine shame and the impact of shame on my life. Several years ago I wrote an article to share what I discovered that helped me to understand shame and how shame impacted my life.
Below is a link to the article and a video presentation of the article. The article, Whose Shame are you Carrying? In the event that you struggle with feeling like a mistake, I would invite you to click on the below links. The information may help you also to find a new freedom. A freedom to learn in ways that work for you. A freedom to learn at your own rate and pace. A freedom to follow your dreams. A freedom to stop feeling like a mistake. A freedom from a fear of failure. A freedom to create.
A freedom from abandoning yourself. A freedom to be at peace with yourself.
“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” Albert Einstein
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