I attended a support group meeting earlier today. The topic that was selected was spiritual awakenings. The discussion was set and people began to share their experiences with spiritual awakenings. When the time came for me to share, this is what I discovered through my recovery process. First, I discovered that I had transferred my relationship with my Dad on to my relationship with God. The relationship I had with my Dad was one in which my good was rarely good enough, to be enough. I experienced a come close go away relationship with my Dad.
That coupled with being blamed, shamed and made to feel responsible for the criticism that I received for not being good enough. I internalized the message that I was therefore not worth being enough, to be able to count on my Dad. In my desire to please my Dad I strove all the more to gain his approval, which only came when I worked to meet his expectations. I also felt responsible for the reason why my Dad did not give me his approval, because I clearly did not prove my worth and value in his eyes. As an adult I continued to seek the approval of surrogate “dads”.
Through my recovery process I discovered that much of my approval seeking and people pleasing was driven by my desire to gain my Dad’s approval. What I discovered through my recovery process was that I had transferred my concept of God from my relationship with my Dad. I am not blaming my Dad, for he did the best he knew how to do; probably because of the example that his Dad set with him. Although I am not, I imagine being a Dad is very difficult. What I discovered through my recovery process was that I needed to forgive my Dad, to make peace with God.
What I discovered, through my recovery process; changed the way in which I see my Dad (although he has passed away) and changed the way that I see God. What I discovered forever changed my relationship with God. In October 2014 I wrote Moving from Fear to Faith — Making Peace with God to share in detail what I learned through my recovery process that forever changed my relationship with God. In the event that you find yourself struggling in your relationship with God, I would invite you to read my article. Here is a link to my article: Moving from Fear to Faith — Making Peace with God. My experience may benefit you.
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