If you have not already read Part 1 of this article, please read Part 1 in addition to reading Part 2. You may do so by clicking on this link: Second Chance to Live — Lessons from my Journey Part 1
As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series I believe that healing in my mind, body and spirit begins with awareness. With out awareness, I have little hope of being able to heal. In Part 2, of this articles I will share some of the awareness’s that I gained through emotional bottoms. As I mentioned in Part 1 of this series I believe that healing in my mind, body and spirit begins with awareness. With out awareness, I have little hope of being able to heal.
In Part 2, of this articles I will share some of these awareness’s that I gained through experiencing emotional bottoms. I share what I do in this article and through out this series to help individuals – who like myself have experienced these feeling. The good news my friend is that we do not have to alone in our struggle. We can reach out for help.
In my experience, I grew up feeling as though I needed to fix people so that they would not go away. I believed that I did not just make mistakes, but that I was a mistake. I believed that if the people in my life were irritable, restless and discontent, that I was at fault. Consequently, I believed that I needed to make them OK, so that we could be OK, before I could hope to be OK with myself. In the process, I moved from one crisis to another crisis in my struggle to find peace with the people in my life.
In the process of managing the drama — created by the crisis – I had no idea where other people stopped and I began. In the process, I developed and over-developed sense of responsibility. Doing became more important than being, and in the process, I lost myself. People pleasing, approval seeking and mind reading all became strategies for living, in an attempt to get through the gauntlet provided by the crisis and subsequent drama. As a bi-product, I experienced feelings of being alone, isolated and alienated.
I had a difficult time trusting anyone, much less myself. Consequently, I traded my judgment for the judgment of other people. In the process, my life became unmanageable. I had no idea how to talk, trust or feel. I found myself engaged in relationships that were emotionally unavailable. I remained confused by come close, go away and other double messages that many of my significant relationships communicated. I had no idea how to have relationships with people, apart from caretaking those people.
I had no idea how to keep the focus on me. I had a tremendous fear of abandonment. I unknowingly participated in shame based toxic codependency, in attempt to find myself. I found myself acting out of a family system role that I had become all too familiar with for many years of my life. I maintained the role for many years, assuming that the role would some how save me. In the process, I defended the denial system that kept me in the role, because I believed that I deserved to be abused for being me.
Please read Part 3 of this article. To do so, click on the following link; Second Chance to Live — Lessons I learned through my Journey — Finding Hope Part 3
As read this article and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good question. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You may send your question (s) or a comment by clicking on this link: Contact Page.
Receive more articles like this one simply by clicking on Subscribe to Second Chance to Live by email.
Bookmark and Share Second Chance to Live with your friend Subscribe in a Feed Reader
All material presented on Second Chance to Live is copyright and cannot be, copied, reproduced, or distributed in any way without the express, written consent of Craig J. Phillips, MRC, BA Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs CC BY-NC-ND