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Second Chance to Live

Empowering the Individual, Not the Brain Injury

Overcoming in New Circumstances

September 15, 2013 by Second Chance to Live Leave a Comment

Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Thank you. Some time ago I heard some one describe shame through an acronym. S (Should) H (Have) A (Already) M (Mastered) E (Everything). For many years of my life I did not feel as though I just made mistakes, but that I was a mistake —  because I seldom felt as though I did or was enough. In my attempts to feel like I was enough, I strove to overcompensate for my feelings of S.H.A.M.E.

My lack of self-acceptance and sense of shame started long before I had any inkling that my life was being impacted by my traumatic brain injury and an invisible disability.

In my overcompensation, I took on other people’s criticism of me and developed an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. In the process, I developed a fear of failure, low self-esteem and a poor self-worth. Out of my fear of failure, low self-esteem and a poor self-worth I spent much of my time and energy striving to overcompensate for my core sense of shame. In the process, I attempted to anticipate what other people expected of me, so that they would not think ill of me and thus reinforce my feelings of shame.

I did so because I bought into the notion that my worth and value as a individual was dependent on convincing other people that I was not a mistake, by gaining their acceptance and approval.

In the process of my recovery — from toxic shame based codependency — I have come a long ways. I have come along ways in feeling that my good is good enough and in realizing that my worth, value and esteem is not dependent upon gaining the acceptance and approval of other people. I have come a long ways by seeing my circumstances as a way to build me up, not to keep me down. I have come a long ways, by committing myself to learn, grow and be empowered by my circumstances and experiences.

Nevertheless, when I encounter new experiences, I some times forget that there is no such thing as failure. I forget that with all learning, there is a new learning curve. I forget to remember that I will learn, grow and be empowered by my new circumstance and experience. 

In my experience, when I forget to remember these realities, I find myself again feeling shame for not being enough. I forget to remember that my worth and value is not dependent upon what other people think about me. I forget to realize that I am making the best decisions, based on the information that I have been given. I forget to realize that my decisions are good enough. I forget to remember that I do not have to try to control the process or the outcomes. I forget to trust the process and let go of the outcomes.

I forget to let go and let God.

During the past several months I have been in the midst of one of these new circumstances and experiences. I am asking to have my needs met, given financial constraints. I do not think that asking to have my needs met is unreasonable, nevertheless I am seeking to be as adroit as possible. What I am learning through this experience is that I need to let go of my anxiety. I need to trust the process. I need to let go of outcomes. I need to remember that my destiny is not dependent on other people.  

I need to remember that I am doing the best job that I know how to do in my new experience. I need to remember that I do not have to S.H.A.M.E. myself for my new learning experience. I need to remember to enjoy the process and see how a loving God is going to work things out for me.

As you read this article and questions come to mind, please send those questions to me. All questions are good question. In the event that you would like to leave a comment, I would love to hear from you. You may send your question (s) or a comment by clicking on this link: Contact Page.

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Filed Under: Fullfining Dreams after Brain Injury Tagged With: acquired brain injury and feeling alienated, Acquired Brain Injury and Suicide, Adult Children of Alcoholics, adult children of alcoholics and traumatic brain injuries, Adult Children of Alcoholics living with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, brain injured soldiers, Brain Injury Education, Caregivers for people with traumatic / acquired brain injuries, celebrities with brain injuries, combating brain injury isolation, Destiny, Empowerment and Inspirational Speaker, Empowerment Speaker, Families impacted by brain injuries, Finding Freedom From Perfectionism, Finding practical hope as a tbi survivor, Finding Your Significance, Fulfilling your Destiny, Harnish Your Adveristy, How to Make Peace with God, Improving Self-Esteem, Improving Self-Worth, Learning Curves, learning disabilities, Learning to Accept Yourself as a brain injury survivor, Learning to Love Yourself as a brain injury survior, letting go and letting God, life challenging experiences, living life on life's terms, living my destiny, living with a brain injury, Living with a Disability, Living with a disability and overcoming being bullied, Living with a Invisible Disability and feeling shame, living with a traumatic / acquired brain injury, Living with a traumatic brain injury and feeling shame, Living with an Invisible Disability, living with an nvisible disability, living with meaning and purpose, Meaning and Purpose, messages of hope, messages of hope and inspiration, military families affected by traumatic brain injuries, Military Personell impacted by Traumatic Brain Injuries, Military Traumatic Brain Injury Support Meetings, Motivational / Inspirational Speaker, No Longer a Victim, Overcome Being Bullied, Overcoming a Fear of Failure, Overcoming Adversity, Overcoming being Bullied, Overcoming Societal Stigmatization, Parents of children living with a brain injury, Parents of children with Acquired brain injuries, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Suicide, Revealing your Destiny, Self-Respect and Significance, Should Have Already Mastered Everything. Acronym for S.H.A.M.E., Soldiers and Marines who sustained traumatic brain injuries, spinal cord injury, spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection, Stop Approval Seeking, Stop People Pleaseing, stroke, Suicide and Hope, tbi adults, tbi children, tbi families, tbi veterans, traumatic / acquired brain injury, Traumatic Brain Injury and being Bullied, Traumatic Brain Injury and Comfort, traumatic brain injury and frustration, Traumatic Brain Injury and Hope, Traumatic Brain Injury and Learning, Traumatic Brain Injury and Significance, Traumatic Brain Injury and Suicide, Traumatic Brain Injury and What is my Destiny?, Traumatic Brain Injury and You, traumatic brain injury feeling alienated isolated, traumatic brain Injury in adults, Traumatic Brain Injury in children, traumatic brain injury in schools, traumatic brain injury Iraq, Traumatic Brain Injury Motivational Speaker, Traumatic Brain Injury Research and Resources, Traumatic Brain Injury Self-Esteem and Self-Worth, Traumatic Brain Injury Support Groups / Meetings, traumatic brain injury treatment, trusting the process, What is my Destiny?, Workshop Leader

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