Hello and welcome back to Second Chance to Live. I am happy to see that you decided to stop by to visit with me. Several days ago I began this series. In Part 1 I shared with you an awareness that I had experienced concerning the presence of a taskmaster in my life. In Part 2, I shared with you that I needed a plan to help me to identify, grieve and begin to heal from the influence and impact that the taskmaster had upon my life. Through my process, I discovered that shame, fear and denial played a significant role in the tutelage of the taskmaster.
In my experience, I have found that blaming or pointing the finger in anyone’s direction does no one any good – including myself.
In the 3rd and 4th part of this series, I will share several awareness’s and freedom’s that I gained through the help of a loving God, a sponsor or mentor and trusted friends. I will share these awareness / freedoms in bullet form.
- Shame, fear and denial are used to block, suppress and hold back uncomfortable feelings. Shame, fear and denial are used to limit, control and manipulate all parties involved. Shame convinces the individual that they are a victim.
- Shame is used in either an overt or covert way to keep the person from feeling what is considered to be a threat.
- Shame intimidated and suppressed me through limiting scripts – what other people told me and what I told myself about myself. See my article, Who is Limiting You? Shame told me – in various ways – that my good was not good enough.
- Shame kept me feeling helpless and drained – of my spiritual and emotional energy – in my attempts to overcompensate for feeling like a mistake – to avoid being shamed. Shame kept me in a state of hyper vigilance walking on eggshells,
- Shame interfered and stymied my ability to trust. Shame kept me in fear and isolation. Shame kept me confused and baffled. Shame kept me confined by three unspoken rules: Don’t Talk. Don’t Trust, Don’t Feel.
- Shame perpetrated criticism and judgment, which I in turn used to judge my efforts.As my efforts were judged – by the taskmaster and myself – I found that taking risks was not safe. With ongoing criticism, I developed a fear of failure.
- Shame kept me isolated and alienated from both myself and other people. Shame interfered with my ability to ask for help, because I felt alienated from God, other people and myself. Shame consequently kept me anxious and depressed.
- Shame manipulated me by my fear of abandonment, because I did not know how to have a relationship with myself. Consequently, I found myself in an endless cycle of attempting to fix other people so that they would not go away.
Through my process of reaching an emotional and spiritual bottom, I reached out for help as I shared in Part 2 of this article series. In response, I discovered that I desperately needed to address my anger, negativity, critical and judgmental attitudes – which I harbored against myself and other people – my resentments, and the reasons I felt the need to fix other people.I discovered that I needed to identify the limiting scripts that I had heard and told myself. I discovered that I needed to change the way in which I viewed both my life and my experience, as I no longer wanted to be as I was told – my own worst enemy.
To read the 4th and final part of the article series, please click here: Part 4
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