Approximately 4 weeks ago I began this series. After completing part 7 of the series, I felt led to write about other topics. I have completed those projects, so I want to resume this series in Part 8. Because I completed Part 7 3 weeks ago, I would encourage and suggest that you to begin at the beginning of the series before reading this part – Part 9.
By doing so you will be able to benefit from each part of the series, as each part of the series builds on the previous parts of the series. Below you will see each part. Simply click on each part of the series and you will be taken to that part of the article. If you have any questions please ask. All questions are good questions. Thank you.
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In my experience, I found that because I had a difficult time trusting I attempted to be in control of my relationships, my environment and my circumstances. In my experience, I found that in my attempt (s) to be in “control” – so as to not be marked by my role through being blamed, shamed or being made a scapegoat – I became hyper vigilant in my relationships, my environment and my circumstances.
In my hyper vigilance, I took on an overdeveloped sense of responsibility. In my overdeveloped sense of responsibility I lived life in a state of dread. Dread of what might happen if I was to let go of being in control.
In my overdeveloped sense of responsibility I bought into the notion that IF I could just control my relationships and my environment I could somehow feel safe and secure in my relationships and my environment. Nevertheless, I found that no matter how much time and energy that I exerted — in my efforts to be and stay in control — I rarely felt as though I did enough to be enough in order to feel safe and secure in my relationships.
Because I did not know that I had been participating with in a denial system, I had no idea that I had been attempting – by my striving to control people, places and things – to force solutions and outcomes. Because I did not know that I had been participating in a role, I did not know that – through my striving to control people, places and things – I had been striving to prove my worth and value through my role within the denial system.
Please read Part 10 of this series for context. Thank you.
Here is my Contact Page.
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